


dreamless

by dochiwrites



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aliases, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Radio, Fluff, Insomnia, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, dj!renjun, insomniac!jaemin, slight lumark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-10-03 23:28:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20461289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dochiwrites/pseuds/dochiwrites
Summary: “It’s another rainy Thursday evening, students of Shinhwa University. So to all insomniacs, early risers, and those pulling all-nighters, be sure to tune in here at Radio Dream. I’ll be your host, DJ Moon, live every 2 to 3 AM from Mondays to Fridays. Up next, here’s a personal favorite of mine that would go well with the weather.”To be honest, Renjun has never heard of this song at all.or: Renjun is stuck being a midnight DJ to help keep their campus radio alive, and Jaemin just wants to be able to sleep.





	1. one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> inspired by news of dj renjun. i've worked on this fic for almost two months and is my offering to the renmin drought. i hope you all like it T_T
> 
> special thanks to my soul sister (ate tin!) for being the best handholder, beta, cheerleader, and big sister throughout the process of this fic ♡
> 
> **cw:** insomnia, drinking, occasional swearing  
**disclaimer:** portrayal of insomnia depicted is how i’ve personally dealt with it (some parts slightly modified) and may or may not be the same for some
> 
> **191219 update:**  
this work has now been translated into [vietnamese](https://www.wattpad.com/810307577) ♡

_ “It’s another rainy Thursday evening, students of Shinhwa University. So to all insomniacs, early risers, and those pulling all-nighters, be sure to tune in here at Radio Dream. I’ll be your host, DJ Moon, live every 2 to 3 AM from Mondays to Fridays. Up next, here’s a personal favorite of mine that would go well with the weather.” _

To be honest, Renjun has never heard of this song at all. 

He rubs his eyes as he drags the keys up to play an indie song on a pre-made playlist. It was given to him by his senior who has long graduated, Johnny. Back when Johnny was a sophomore, he was placed in the same time slot for the college radio too. The difference is, Johnny loved hosting and had voluntarily accepted to be put in the dead of night.

Renjun, however, only agreed to do so for extra credit. Starting last semester, his grades have been slowly going downhill and it doesn’t help that he’s the only sophomore to not be preoccupied in an internship program. So when the news surfaced that the school is planning on shutting down the campus radio for budget cuts, students started volunteering to save it. Of course, Renjun saw this as an opportunity and went on board.

Initially, Ms. Park, his communications professor, had slated him for the 11 PM timeslot, but the feedback he’s been getting for the first two days has been subpar and considering it’s a timeslot with a good amount of listeners, it just isn’t going to cut it.

Renjun doesn’t deny he’s been lacking though. At first, he requested for the 9 PM slot, knowing it’s the segment with the most listeners, so when he didn't get his preferred slot, he decided to slack off.

He thought maybe doing this radio gig thing half-assed is enough to get him by– he’d get his grades back up  _ and _ have something on his resumé that would make him look like a saint for volunteering. A freaking steal, if you ask him. If worse comes to worst, he supposed he would just get fired. 

Unfortunately, Renjun realizes, things don’t always go according to plan. Instead of getting kicked out of the radio team, he gets bumped into the worst possible time slot– one way worse than midnight. He tried to get his way out of it by saying he had 8 AM classes but Ms. Park was quick. 

Prior to accepting Renjun into the team, she already managed to get a hold of his class schedule for the semester. Renjun being Renjun, turns out chose all the classes that start past noon. There was no escape out of it, not until after the school finally agrees to fund it again.

He stretches his arms from the swivel chair as he waits for the music to finish, trying to hold back a yawn. He fishes for his phone in his pocket and checks the time: 2:35 AM. Less than half an hour to go.

It’s only his third day as a middle-of-the-night DJ (or as Jaehyun likes to call him, a night owl DJ) and so far, he feels like he’s been wasting his hours when he could be sleeping soundly back in his room instead. And his bed isn’t even remotely close to comfortable, that’s how badly he wants to leave.

A knock on the glass window jolts his spirits up awake.

Jaehyun hyung.

He’s wearing his staple university hoodie and looks like he just got off the shower from his midnight gym time. Renjun always found it weird why someone would want to work out at two o’clock in the morning. Donghyuck, his roommate, had formulated a ridiculous theory on how Jaehyun is just using the gym as a cover-up and is actually a renowned ninja warrior training under sight. Renjun called him a fool. But as much as he hated to admit it, he did consider it for a while.

Jaehyun waves and mouths the word  _ ‘Coffee?’ _ Renjun nods before returning live and Jaehyun gives him a thumbs up before exiting the studio.

The great thing about being a graveyard shift radio DJ is not having to worry about mistakes. Renjun misses at least two seconds and causes dead air as he fumbles through his script. It’s time for tonight’s phone-in. Three days in and he’s still holding back a snort because:

_ ‘Hello? Who’s going to be calling at past two in the morning? The grim reaper?’  _ he asked Chenle, the freshman who handed him the notice of his changed timeslot.

Chenle shrugged,  _ ‘I don’t know, man. Ms. Park just asked me to hand this to you so–’ _

_ 'Give me that!’ _

“That was Fade Into You by Mazzy Star. I hope everyone who’s been meaning to sleep has actually done so, and for those who need to get some work done, you got this! Fighting, Shinhwan students!” he exclaims, trying his best not to sound too strained.

“Now it’s time for tonight’s phone-in. If you’d like to vent out, ask a question, or have a burning request, please feel free to dial 002 at our local line and I’ll be here.”

If you don’t count Donghyuck calling in every now and then with an alter ego and a made-up cliche plot of him falling in love, or Jaehyun encouraging viewers to listen to Renjun’s segment (which didn’t work), not one person has been phoning in for the past three days. Even his short-lived 11PM time slot rendered him not more than three callers, one of them being a freshman student gushing over how attractive his voice was. Donghyuck still teases him for it.

Knowing he wouldn’t be getting any for the night, he puts in another bumper song that would save him from the white noise. Jaehyun pushes the door inside the recording booth, occupying both his hands with two cups of coffee. He sits on a vacant seat across Renjun and hands him one, taking a sip on the other.

“Dude, your radio show kinda sucks,” Jaehyun murmurs in his cup as the instrumental music sounds off.

“Tell me about it,” Renjun deadpans.

“Do you want me to be a pretend-caller?”

Renjun waves him off, reading through the rest of the script. “Don’t bother, hyung. No one’s listening anyway.”

“Aww, don’t feel so down, buddy. The radio gig is actually pretty fun if you think about it. I was in your place two years ago, too.”

“You were put in the drive time, everyone was listening and phoning in at your slot.”

Jaehyun scratches his head. “Well…”

“Yeah.  _ Well.” _

Renjun knows he’s starting to sound a bit spiteful. It’s not like he isn’t being compensated for his time, but sometimes it sucks putting so much effort only for everyone to pass you by. This is, in fact, the norm for a communications major like him. In this field, one has to fight their way up to be able to get the slightest hint of acknowledgment. Still, Renjun feels like the obstacles put up for him have been nothing but unfair.

“Look, as my apprentice for the next two months, I think you could hear something from me. People awake at this hour, they all have a lot going on in their heads, right? No one’s as vulnerable at 2 AM. So… maybe reach out to them? Encourage them to phone in. Or just to have someone to pour their hearts out to. Once you get past that, you don’t even have to do the talking because they’re the ones doing it for you. The best part is, you get full control over playing the right song at the right time. Think of it as a game.”

“A game,” Renjun says slowly, considering it.

Jaehyun nods, signaling at the computer in front of Renjun. “You don’t have to rely on Johnny hyung’s podcast for two whole months. You can make your own. Whatever you think suits the moment. Right?”

“Yeah,” he agrees silently. Jaehyun is his mentor after all. “Maybe.”

* * *

“Hyung.”

Jaemin slowly flutters his eyes open. He was just about to fully doze off before Jisung lightly shakes him awake. Of course, he isn’t about to tell him he’s been running on three hours of sleep a day for the past week now. He takes a deep breath, savoring the last few seconds he has in his bed before propping himself up on his elbows.

“Don’t you have classes at 10?”

Jaemin rubs his eyes. “What time is it?” His voice comes off raspy and Jisung furrows his brows at him.

“It’s 9. You haven’t been sleeping again, have you?”

“I’m gonna go get ready.” He stands up from the bed and heads to the shower, completely ignoring Jisung’s question. “Lock the door on your way out, okay?”

Jisung lets out a small ‘Okay.’

The day goes by pretty much the same as any other for Jaemin. He sits through his morning lectures fighting through his fatigue, trying his best to jot down some notes before realizing he’s been spaced out and gives up entirely. He can ask Jeno about those later. That is if he manages to convince him that he hasn’t been drinking coffee– something Jaemin promised him in return for lending him his notes. Jeno doesn’t need to know coffee was the first thing Jaemin downed into his system as soon as he got to the class.

“The bags under your eyes say otherwise,” Jeno says, disappointed. Still, he hands Jaemin his notebook.

Jaemin throws his arms up at him, giving him a tight squeeze that makes him groan. “Thank you, thank you. I’ll make it up to you.”

“Just get some rest!” Jeno groans, struggling to escape his hug. “Look, I know it’s hard to cut down on caffeine, but it’s for your own good. That’s the last time I’m letting you off the hook and I’m not tolerating it again. Alright?”

Jaemin gives him a short smile. “I’m trying.”

“I know.” Jeno gives him a pat on the shoulder before bidding him goodbye.

Jaemin wouldn’t consider himself well-known on campus, still, it’s undeniable that he does make a lot of friends. He’s just likable that way. His five-minute walk to his next class is received by a couple of ‘ _ Yo, Jaemin!’s _ and high-fives and fistbumps from some students in the same classes he’s taking. He masks his responses with a smile, a bit of catching up, but really, all he wants to do is just lie down.

Arriving five minutes before their grace period, he takes his spot in the middle of the room and starts catching up on Jeno's notes. Minutes later, the seats start filling up and conversations slowly start stirring around him, still he couldn’t be bothered to eavesdrop. He drowns these out by putting his earphones in, a subtle sign asking to leave him by himself.

When Jaemin starts feeling the strain on his wrist from writing, he looks up at the wall clock. It’s been 30 minutes and his professor still hasn’t arrived. Some students are already packing up to leave while some are busy gossiping at the end of the room.

Their phones collectively start beeping and Jaemin goes in to check from his pocket. It’s a group text from their professor saying he isn’t able to come to class today for a seminar. He can hear the others squeal in celebration through his earbuds, collecting their things to make the most out of their newly-given spare time.

Jaemin sighs. He could’ve used the time wasted to sneak in a power nap, restore as much energy in him as possible. His next class doesn’t start in two hours, so he heads on down to the library, stowing himself away at the corner of the last shelf. After finding a spot, he uses his backpack as a makeshift pillow and hides his face behind a book to nap.

It doesn't take long for him to gain some consciousness again after hearing some rustling and quiet murmuring. He keeps his eyes shut, trying to decipher whose voices were hissing at each other.

"You're getting him awake, you idiot!"

"No. He was sleeping peacefully until you got here and started being naggy!"

"I'm not being naggy!"

"You're doing it right now!"

Jaemin smiles to himself. It could only be Lucas and Mark. He finally takes in a deep breath, stretching his arms up from the stiffness of his position.

"Now don't fight for custody over me, I wouldn't know who to choose," he croaks. The hoarseness in his voice serves as a reminder for him to down some water for today (which he hasn’t.)

The two bickering boys stop to notice him half-awake now, sitting himself up as he dusts off his shirt and crosses his legs. He notices that Lucas has managed to sneak in a couple bags of potato chips, hence the rustling, while Mark sits across him with laptop balancing above his crossed legs.

"Dude." Lucas is the first to compose himself. "You're looking worse by the day."

Jaemin snorts at his words. He's been getting comments like those more often ever since he's been sleep-deprived and it doesn't really bother him because yes, he  _ does _ look hammered.

Mark, however, takes offense for him and shoves Lucas a little too hard that sends him almost losing his balance. "Watch your mouth," he warns as Lucas gives him a bewildered look.

It's been like this with the three of them. Lucas, thanks to his charms, finds it so hard to keep his mouth from running yet still manages to get away with almost everything. If Jaemin considers himself a social butterfly, then Lucas is something  _ way _ more. Despite living in Korea for just two years, he picks up on the language fast, not even caring if he messes up his suffixes.

For Lucas, no matter where he is, making friends is second nature. He even once tried to give the President of the university a fistbump when he was awarded the varsity player in basketball. Jaemin recalls Mark shrivelling beside him in secondhand embarrassment while they watch Taeyong stop Lucas from what he was about to do. 

Mark, on the other hand, is much more sensible. One thing he and Lucas have in common is that they're both foreigners, except Mark moved to Korea a little earlier than Lucas did, but not much. While Lucas shines in sports, Mark has made a name for himself in music.

He plays the guitar for their local college band called Heart Track, even competing in interschool battles around Seoul. Though most of the time they don’t get to bag anything home, which Jaemin thinks is a shame because to be honest, they weren’t half-bad. That’s why when the school board announced that they were planning on trimming their budget, Heart Track is first in line for the plank. Jaemin couldn't even imagine how devastated Mark must've been.

So in an effort to keep themselves afloat, the band members have started shelling out their own money for equipment and costs for their gigs. Mark had to take double shifts at the cafe downtown to be able to survive. Jaemin doesn’t have the heart to tell Mark that maybe letting go of this one is the most practical thing to do, but he isn’t one to pry. He can see how much this means to Mark whenever he barges into his dorm unannounced, always seeing him clinging onto his guitar.

But among the three of them, Jaemin has always felt like the outcast. Not that his friends are to blame, because if Mark and Lucas are anything, making people feel out of place is definitely not them. It’s just that Jaemin thinks he doesn’t have a story. He doesn’t dance like his roommate Jisung, he doesn’t do sports like Lucas, nor play an instrument like Mark.

He’s just… him– sleepless and caffeine-addicted Jaemin. And to top it all off, he even chose Human Resource as a college degree just because he didn’t know what he wanted to pursue. It’s Jaemin in the most possibly stale way, he thinks to himself.

“How’d you two find me here?” he asks, shaking off his internal pity party in the back of his head.

Lucas shrugged. “You didn’t show up for lunch and you weren’t answering your phone. We caught you by chance, really. You're on every freshman’s Instagram story asking who the cute drooling boy at the corner of the library is.”

He murmurs, “Maybe I should’ve hid elsewhere then.”

_ “Or _ maybe you should be getting some actual sleep like a normal person,” Mark suggests.

“Gee, why didn’t I think of that?” Jaemin asks sarcastically. 

Mark gives a forced “Ha ha.” He unzips the backpack beside him and throws something in Jaemin’s way. “Here.” Jaemin catches it midair, realizing it’s a protein bar. “Eat. I know you didn't."

Jaemin sighs, setting it aside. He glances at the clock on his phone and realizes it’s ten minutes before his next class. “I have to go,” he stands up, slapping his cheek awake as he reached for his bag on the floor. “I’m almost late.”

“Skip it, man. Look at yourself.”

The look on Lucas’ face is somewhat disappointed and concerned. Jaemin knows he’s not in the best shape these last few days but he hates having his friends worry over him like this. Maybe he looks much worse than he thinks he is.

“It’s just for a day, Jaemin,” Mark says quietly. It’s not everyday the two of his friends agree on something.

Jaemin admits he contemplates on it for a while, but ultimately shakes his head. “I can’t. I’m sorry, guys. I- I gotta go.”

"Jaemin–"

He runs past them before they could say anything else other than Lucas hissing  _ ‘Eat the damn protein bar!’ _ . Other than that, he knows what they want him to do: to go back home and sleep. Except it’s not that easy. Once Jaemin is under his sheets with his head sinking on his pillow, all he manages to do is have a face-off with the ceiling. No matter how tired his body is, his mind doesn’t cooperate. Going back to his dorm meant having to go through all that, and as much as he hates to admit it, it’s the one thing he avoids the most.

He ends his day tired and miserable, unlocking his door to find Jisung on his side of the room. His eyes are shut and he’s bobbing his head along to the beat that escapes his earbuds. Jaemin doesn’t bother him and instead shuffles to his own bed. He drops his bag on the floor and plops down the mattress as he shimmies off his shoes, dreading what he knows is about to be another sleepless night.

“Hey, hyung,” Jisung greets him, dragging his earphones off. “Are you okay?”

“Why'd you ask?”

Jisung gives him a curt nod, gesturing at him. “You look like you’re about to pass out.”

Jaemin chuckles. If only Jisung knew how much Jaemin wanted to. “Believe me, as soon as I try to, I’ll be wide awake.”

“Hyung, you should go see a doctor or something,” he suggests. His tone shifts into something more concerned. “Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I can tell you haven’t slept yet.”

“Hmm. Maybe I should try staring at you until you wake yourself up at 3AM,” Jaemin teases.

“Hyung, I’m serious!”

Jaemin laughs at Jisung’s obviously mortified face. He knows it’s no time to joke around, but that’s what brothers do. Not that they’re biological siblings, but being an only child, Jaemin treats Jisung just as much.

Jisung isn't against it as well. As a college freshman, he’s more than grateful to have Jaemin show him the ropes, even if Jaemin has only a year’s worth of experience ahead of him.

Jaemin shrugged. “He told me it’s normal. Some type of anemia.”

“Have you tried taking medication for it?”

Jaemin shakes his head. “Says I shouldn't. Given my caffeine dependency, it could make it worse.”

“Well, how about some ASMR?”

Jaemin gags.

“Not the whispering kind! The one that plays raindrops falling on trees or something.”

“Jisung,” he drags in a long breath. “I tried, okay? You name anything, I’ve tried it and it doesn’t work.” He’s trying to level the tone of his voice so as not to offend Jisung.

The younger boy presses his lips together, nodding in defeat. “I’m just trying to help,” he mumbles.

“I know you are,” Jaemin reassures him. It’s frustrating. As much as he wants to help himself and allow others to help him, his stupid brain won’t. “I appreciate it,” he adds. He means it as well.

Jisung cracks an unreadable smile and sticks his earphones in again, marking an end to their conversation.

It’s not long until Jisung is snoring and Jaemin is once again left alone to pass the time by himself, waiting until he sees the sun peeking from the window blinds.

He turns to his side, reaching for his phone charging on the bedside table to save himself from the boredom. He knows it’s not wise to be using it when the one thing he needs is to shut his eyes, but still, he opens a few unread Kakao texts from Mark. 

They're a bunch of links from Reddit. He doesn’t bother opening them when he catches a glimpse of the text with the words 'tips' and 'insomnia'. He sighs, sending Mark an eye rolling emoji instead.

**Mark [12:03 AM]:**   
Read them~   
They might be super helpful

**Jaemin [12:03 AM]:**   
why are you still awake?

**Mark [12:04 AM]:** **  
** Lol you’re one to talk   
Just got off my shift and I'm about to sleep   
And so should YOU

**Jaemin [12:05 AM]:**   
mark you get a part-time job once and think youre so much better than me

**Mark [12:05 AM]:** **  
** Sometimes you deserve a good strangle

**Jaemin [12:05 AM]:**   
kinky

**Mark [12:05 AM]:** **  
** GOOFNIGHT   
GOODNIGHT*

Jaemin chuckles, getting a kick at imagining a probably flustered Mark. He can already tell what’s about to happen tomorrow when he bumps into him:  _ “Ya! Did you have to make it weird?!” _

He leaves his phone on his stomach, closing his eyes shut in hopes that maybe it’ll work this time, except that all his eyes have managed to do is flutter behind eyelids. He focuses on the tiniest sounds around him– the soft grumble of the air conditioner, the faint sound of the train passing from outside, the way Jisung grits his teeth when he’s asleep. Jaemin feels more hyperaware like this, even considers it amusing at some point.

His phone chimes, disturbing his train of thought. It’s Mark again.

**Mark [12:10 AM]:** **  
** Lol have you tried listening to our campus station?

**Jaemin [12:10 AM]:**   
thought you said you were going to sleep?

**Mark [12:11 AM]:** **  
** I was trying to!   
I tried tuning in to see if they got to play Heart Track   
These shady comms majors wouldn’t give us a chance 😒

**Jaemin [12:11 AM]** **  
** you really want them to play noise at midnight?

**Mark [12:11 AM]** **  
** LOL   
FYI it’s alt rock   
And all music is technically noise so there’s no point in using it as an insult

**Jaemin [12:11 AM]** **  
** ok nerd

**Mark [12:11 AM]**   
OMG   
That gives me an idea actually   
You know JohnD? The campus DJ from last year?   
He used to have this segment called Radio Dream and he plays a bunch of hypnotic indie shit to help students fall asleep.   
Idk if its still the same segment because it's every 2AM and there is no way i can stay up that late lol

**Jaemin [12:11 AM]** **  
** wow you really do get lamer every passing second

**Mark [12:12 AM]** **  
** You're a piece of work, you know that?   
Anyway   
Before you say something weird….   
Maybe check it out if you want

**Jaemin [12:13 AM]** **  
** none of those work for me but thanks

**Mark [12:16 AM]** **  
** Just try it   
It wouldn't hurt right

**Mark [12:20 AM]** **  
** Look im starting to doze off   
But let me know how it goes   
Goodnigh   
t

Jaemin can already picture Mark trying his best to keep his eyes open until finally giving up. Most likely even accidentally breaking his glasses in the process since he has a habit of keeping them on while he's in bed.

He brushes off his suggestion and decides to focus on tricking his mind to shut up. It, of course, does not. Instead he finds himself counting sheep. He makes a mental note to debunk this theory of falling asleep while counting because he's well passed the 100th mark and there are no signs of it succeeding.

He tosses and turns once again, then considers maybe taking a long shower so he's not confined to his bed. Checks the time after feeling like it's been a while: 12:45 AM.

He sighs in defeat. Only twenty five minutes has passed.

Right now he just feels like crying out of frustration, but the tears won't let out. He finds himself opening his phone, scrolling up to find the website Mark linked him, and skims through it half-reading. Sooner or later, he gives up on it and finds other related threads that seem far more interesting. 

**'What do insomniacs usually do when they're up at night?' ** says the heading. Jaemin clicks on it.

⬆ [-]  RainbowFeral ** 9632 points ** 5 days ago 🎖   
⬇ Why else do you think we're here?   


That seems to get him. He tries to hold back a giggle so as not to wake Jisung. He reminds himself to thank Mark in the morning for this. It doesn't take a lot to make Jaemin laugh, and if you disregard the assholes commenting that maybe those people should turn their phones off and sleep (usually downvoted), Jaemin finds it not the least bit entertaining.

It's like a hidden playground and Jaemin feels like he belongs.

He makes a habit of checking the time every once in a while when he feels like it has significantly passed and good enough, it's 2:38 AM. Taking a quick break was a mistake because Jaemin could suddenly start feeling the strain in his eyes. He remembers Mark's last text to him before passing out suggesting he should check out the campus radio instead.

He figures why not.

As soon as he's fished out his tangled earphones from his bag pocket, he plugs it in then opens their laggy campus portal app and clicks on the radio tab. 

_ "–really so in love with my roommate and I don't know what to do. I don't know what to dooo, DJ Moon, because I think he likes me back but I'm not sure,"  _ the guy which Jaemin assumes is the caller whines on the line.

He lets out a chuckle. Shinhwan students really are something else.

The DJ sighs. " _ Is there anything that you want to request.. err.. Full...?" _

_ "Full Sun!" _

_ "That's not an obviously made-up name at all,"  _ he quips sarcastically.

_ "I want to request Zombie by The Cranberries." _

There's a second of silence on the air.  _ "You want me to play Zombie? For the roommate you're in love with?"  _ the DJ deadpans.

_ "Sure." _

Jaemin finds himself smiling at the conversation. It almost feels like a sitcom and he's the live audience. Maybe Mark's suggestions aren't so bad after all.

_ "Jesus. Okay." _ He barely hears the DJ mutter it, maybe moving away from the mic to rub his temple. As much as Jaemin finds it amusing, he can't help but feel bad for him having to deal with hosting an after-midnight radio station only for others to not take it seriously.  _ "This song is requested by none other than our caller of the night, Full Sun. Here's… Zombie, I guess." _

He can almost imagine this Full Sun person snickering to himself in the middle of the night, obviously messing with the radio host. The song plays through Jaemin's earphones and he bobs his head slightly to the music. It's not a bad song, actually.

As soon as the last note hits, it transitions smoothly into a much more tamer ballad. Jaemin recognizes it as a Snow Patrol song.

Miraculously, the weight on his eyelids slowly start getting heavier. He pushes the thought in the back of his head, careful not to overwhelm himself and make it go away. He lays comfortably still, allowing the fatigue to finally consume his body.

_ "You've just listened to Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. Time check: 2:45 AM. Wow, we only have fifteen minutes left. Once again, this is DJ Moon your host for Radio Dream. If you have anything you want to vent out or request, our lines are always open. If you're trying to hit the sack, I...." _

And just like that, Jaemin is sound asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and/or comments are highly appreciated ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)
> 
> [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/dochidoii/) | [cc](https://curiouscat.me/dochidoii/)  



	2. two

Renjun shuts off the lights at the studio, throwing an empty foam cup of coffee in a trash can near the door. Jaehyun does a last-minute check at all the wires to see if they're unplugged and locks the room as soon as they got out.

"I don't understand where Donghyuck gets the energy, honestly." Jaehyun chuckles.

It's been a week since he's been moved to the late midnight segment and Renjun takes it upon himself to reorganize the script. He took off the allotted time slot for the phone-ins and decided it best to keep his lines open for the entire hour. After all, it's not like he's getting a full load of callers. Unfortunately for him, this gave Donghyuck the cunning idea of phoning in every five minutes as an alter-ego named Full Sun– a fictional persona he made up who's fallen in love with his supposed roommate.

"He sets his alarm on every 2 AM. You should know he takes pleasure in being annoying." Renjun groans. He reminds himself to give Donghyuck a good whack in the head as soon as he gets to their room.

When they reach their dormitory building, Jaehyun waves him off, telling Renjun he still has his internship in a couple of hours so he's going to bag in a few hours of rest. Renjun waves back, wondering how Jaehyun manages to juggle classes, internship, sports, and being a radio sound tech all in one body. And to add to that, have insanely good skin. 

He shouldn't be pitying himself by giving a direct comparison to Jaehyun, but the fact that he's out of breath by climbing two flights of stairs screams right at his face– Renjun is nothing like Jaehyun. He barely has any muscle mass, his hair doesn't part where he wants it to, he's tried every expensive skin care Jaehyun has recommended him only to get a rash, he gets told off by his communications professors to stop having a resting bitch face because he is, in fact, in a field for public relations.

He's already prepared a mental itemized list of things to nag to Donghyuck about, mostly to project all of his life frustrations at him. Except that as soon as he barges into their room, Donghyuck is already sound asleep on his bed.

Renjun ponders if he should get back to him for embarrassing him on air. Maybe wake him up with a bucket-full of ice, or delete his alarm setting for his morning class, but he decides against it. It's not like people know he's DJ Moon. Or care.

That's what Donghyuck tells him in the morning.

They sit by the bleachers in the football field, eating their sandwiches away for lunch. The cafeteria is usually packed at this hour so they decide to eat elsewhere. Renjun is seated one bench above Donghyuck, aware that his friend talks with his mouth full and he really doesn't want remnants of chicken flying around his breathing space.

"It doesn't even matter because no one even listens."

Renjun pauses on his meal. It's not like Donghyuck was lying, but still, it leaves an imaginary punch on his gut. His friend seems to catch on, eyes filling with regret at what left his mouth.

"Shit. That was mean, I'm sorry."

Renjun shrugs, trying his best to act nonchalant. "No, you're right. It's cool."

"I'll make it up to you. What do you want? Do you want Full Sun to get dumped by his roommate? I can make it seem grand. I've laid out an entire plotline on this."

He winces. "Don't make it any worse, please."

Donghyuck grins at him and nods. Renjun isn't fully-convinced but he lets it slide.

To be honest, he considers himself lucky that he's on good terms with his roommate. That was probably his biggest fear before moving to Korea for University.

Donghyuck isn't necessarily the best roommate. He still can't cook to save his life, nor does he know how to do his own laundry, but he's not entirely intolerable. For one, they’re both taking the same course, and it’s helpful that Donghyuck is mostly a teacher’s pet, thanks to his way with words. And Renjun doesn’t deny piggyback-riding off of his benefits. Moreso, he’s just glad to have a moodmaker like Donghyuck around. Even if his jokes sometimes get overbearing.

"Hey, Renjun!"

Someone shouts from the distance, running up towards them in the football field. Renjun notices him as their senior Doyoung. He also happens to be Jaehyun’s batchmate.

He climbs up to the top of the bleachers to where they were seated, catching his breath as he holds his hands down his knees. "I've been looking everywhere for you," he pants. "Give me a minute."

"Me?" Renjun asks, confused.

"You work with Jaehyun at the radio, right?" 

"Correction.  _ Jaehyun _ works with him," Donghyuck interjects, speaking with food in his mouth after biting down on his lunch. “There's a difference.”

Doyoung dumbfoundedly blinks at him before saying, "No there's... not?"

"What can I do for you, hyung?" Renjun cuts Donghyuck off before he could open his mouth again. Donghyuck chuckles mouthful, eventually choking on his own spit. Neither Renjun nor Doyoung seem to care.

"I need a tiny favor," Doyoung says, finally at pace with his breath again. He digs for something under his jacket and hands him a compact flash drive that says  _ 'Heart Track: Prologue'.  _ "We've recorded a bunch of cover songs lately. I've been trying to get them played at the 9 PM show but it keeps getting backlogged. That or they're ignoring me."

He frowns, then shakes his head.

"Anyway, it's been on Spotify for a while but we're not really getting any streams. So I wanted to ask if you could play a song or two at your segment. You know, just to get the word out? Jaehyun says I should ask you."

"Hyung." Donghyuck clears his throat as he downs a bottle of water. "Do you even listen to his show?"

Doyoung stammers and Renjun has to laugh. Not that he's offended that Doyoung doesn’t tune in, but because Donghyuck is literally leaving a senior speechless. The guy has no sense of fear at all.

He spins the flash drive in his hand, studying it before he shoots it in the smallest pocket of his backpack. Renjun has heard them play before, although he can't say he's a big fan. He's also aware that the school stopped funding their band months ago for the planned budget cuts, so now they're sort of fending for themselves. Like how he's trying to keep the campus radio alive.

"Sure, hyung."

"Really?" Doyoung lights up.

Renjun grins at him. "Guess you'll have to hear for yourself, right?"

Doyoung scratches his head while Donghyuck looks up at Renjun, amused at his newfound wit.

Renjun usually wraps up his classes at 9 PM, five hours before his radio shift. On a normal day, he goes up to the library to work on a bunch of unnecessary essays on classical books he's been writing about since he was in high school.

After changing a few words here and there, he'd find himself scrolling through Instagram, robotically liking every post that comes across his feed. He even finds Jaehyun on one of the senior's Instagram stories, intoxicated but sober enough to make sure he looks good on camera.

Jaehyun told him earlier that day that he was going to miss out on helping Renjun tonight at the station although he didn't really explain why. Now that's one mystery solved.

By midnight, the librarian shoos all the students lounging at the library and Renjun is left alone walking back to his room. On his way in, he runs into Mark. He knows him as the guitarist of Heart Track though he's not entirely sure if Mark knows him.

Renjun debates starting a conversation, ask him why his day is ending so late, or to let him know that Doyoung gave him a copy of their new songs to play. But Mark doesn't look like he's in a talking mood. He looks drained, a few blinks away from passing out. Instead, they give each other a curt nod as they walk quietly up to their rooms.

When he gets in, the room is dim and the only light source is coming from Donghyuck's laptop. He's probably too engrossed in his movie to notice Renjun walk in. This is usually how he spends his nights when he's a) not cramming for an exam; or b) broke.

"Hey, ready for a conversation with Full Sun tonight?" Donghyuck pauses his movie as soon as he catches sight of Renjun, wiggling his eyebrows.

Renjun groans in response. "This is the one time I'm asking you to please stop calling."

Donghyuck doesn't answer him but instead sets his alarm for 2 AM, grinning widely.

He arrives 30 minutes before his show, bidding his seniors Seungkwan and Hansol a good night as they wrap up their 1 to 2 AM segment. The two offer to accompany Renjun during his time, but he knows they were only being polite hyungs and declined. Besides, it's not like Renjun couldn't handle himself.

The first fifteen minutes go by smoothly– him sticking to his playlist then occasionally introducing song titles here and there. Sometimes he even talks about how this reminds him of that, and whatnot. Renjun hates to admit it, but Johnny hyung's playlist heirloom is slowly growing on him. He lists down artists like Ben Howard and Tom Odell so he could download their albums on his own phone soon.

While he's busy queuing up his playlist, he notices the telephone in the booth light up, signalling a caller. He can already picture Donghyuck, drowsy but sitting up on his bed as he turns his 2 AM alarm off, phone in hand ready to mess with him.

"Hey there, you're on live radio," Renjun says, pressing the button that puts the caller on air as the music fades into the background.

_ "Hey DJ Moon, it's Full Sun. What's up?" _

Renjun clenches his jaw. Of course he was expecting Donghyuck. "Not much. I finished an essay on To Kill a Mockingbird today. Oh, and I caught my roommate dancing to Gangnam Style in his boxers. Not the best sight, actually."

Donghyuck laughs on the other end, seemingly surprised at Renjun's subtle way of ruining his reputation.  _ "Oh you." _

Renjun knows he's initiated an all-out-war by saying that, even if it isn't true. He just hopes Donghyuck is just as forgiving.  _ "You know, I actually have a pretty good story about my roommate as well." _

"Is that so?" Renjun leans back on his seat. He has to admit he's nervous at what's about to leave Donghyuck's mouth, but he masks this off by pretending to sound amused.

_ "Yeah. Turns out they like me back. Because, you know, I'm irresistible–" _

"I bet you are," he agrees sarcastically.

_ "–and he tried to kiss me." _

"Oh?"

_ "He did." _

"I believe you."

_ "You should. I'm pouring my heart out here." _

"I know. I’m listening."

_ "Oh, and DJ Moon." _

"Yep?"

_ "Maybe it's about time I let him be known then. Should I say his name?" _

At his words, Renjun sits upward almost instantly, reaching up to press the dial on the phone and says, "Alright. Thank you for calling, Full Sun. It was nice having you again."

He hangs up almost instantly. “ _ For the last fucking time,” _ he thinks to himself as he promises never to answer another call from Donghyuck again before he misleads the entire student body into thinking  _ he _ is in love with Donghyuck. And worse– that  _ he _ tried to kiss Donghyuck. He can't help but gag.

"Time check, it's 30 minutes past 2 AM and you're listening to Radio Dream of FM Shinhwa. I'm your host DJ Moon here to present you with two new tracks on our playlist. For our next song, I think it'd go well for those who are looking for a late night lullaby. Here’s Bones by Lewis Watson."

The voice of the artist comes up just in time until Renjun finishes his piece. He uses his given time to dial Donghyuck's number on his personal phone, making sure he turns his radio mic off before he gets suspended for letting out the nastiest words he could be caught saying on air.

Donghyuck picks up before the second ring.  _ "You started it." _

Renjun scoffs. "Me?! I only did it because you kept this Full Sun narrative going on when I asked you to stop."

_ "I was doing it to keep you company, asshole! You're welcome, by the way!" _

"You were going to say my name."

_ "How'd you even know I was going to say yours?" _

"Listen. Just… get off my back and stop calling, will you? Even a five-year-old would know what that means."

_ "You know what? Fine. That's gonna be the last time I ever will call. Happy?" _

As soon as Donghyuck snaps at him, Renjun catches sight of the telephone in the booth light up again.

"Then  _ stop." _

_ "What?" _

"I can literally see the phone blinking right now. Stop it."

Donghyuck goes silent on the other line.  _ "That's not me." _

Renjun frowns. "Very funny, Donghyuck."

_ "I'm on the phone with you  _ right now _ , that's not me calling the station." _

Renjun pauses, watching the red light blink from across him, luring him to pick up. He can feel the skin on the back of his neck slowly rise up as he quickly pushes the thought of being haunted far back in his mind. It doesn’t help that Donghyuck is thinking of the same thing too.

_ “Holy shit, you know what, I’ve actually heard of a couple of ghost stories in the Comms Building befo–” _

Renjun hangs up on him because he is  _ not _ helping at all. 

By the time the second song on his playlist is wrapping up, he still has a few seconds to decide if he should pick up or not. The blinking hasn’t stopped since.

Renjun figures he has three options: First one is if he picks up, it could either be a) Donghyuck’s elaborate scheme on successfully scaring the wits out of him; or b) static noise that confirms his theory that he  _ is _ being haunted; and c) if he decides not to pick up, then he’s never going to know.

He takes a deep breath, gathering up the courage to press the button that would send the caller on air and says, “Hey, you’re on live radio.”

It goes dead for a millisecond and Renjun is holding his breath thinking this horror story is going down in Shinhwa University history, but then he hears a placid  _ “Hey, um… I’m a- I’m a first time caller.” _

Now it’s Renjun who’s left speechless. If there’s one thing he isn’t expecting, it’s to have an actual person that isn't Donghyuck call. He almost finds it funny how he never considered it thinking that’s what the phone is for in the first place. If only Jaehyun’s here to help him sort this one out.

_ “Is it…umm... usually this quiet?” _

Renjun snaps himself out of it, shaking his head as he reaches for the keys in the soundboard to accompany the eerie silence with ambient background instrumentals. “Yeah- I mean no. No. Umm, say, what brings you here?”

_ “I was, uh… I wanted to request a song.” _

“Sure, that’s what I’m here for.” Renjun gives himself a mental pat on the back for slowly starting to regain his composure. It’s just a caller, he thinks to himself. This happens every night with Donghyuck, he’s trained you enough for this. "Let's hear it."

_ "I wanted to request Heart Track's cover of Champagne Supernova.” _

"Heart Track as in our school band?" he asks.

_ "Yep." _

Renjun looks back to everything that’s happened this day. Doyoung handing him their new music, bumping into Mark at the dorms, and now this. To be honest, he completely forgot about Doyoung lending him his flash drive if not for this song request. Maybe this is a sign he actually should play it. After all, it  _ is _ being requested.

"Quite some music taste,” he says as he tries to pass the time digging for the flash drive in his backpack placed by his feet.

_ “It’s just the school spirit in me.”  _

Renjun chuckles.

_ "Also, I… I wanted to say something. Not to you though, but you might as well relay it.” _ The caller pauses for a while, sucking in his breath.  _ “Full Sun, if you’re listening: since your mutual feelings with your roommate has been solved, maybe it’s time to quit bugging the DJ about it. You'd be doing us all a favor. No offense." _

Renjun finds himself grinning at this. Not only is this person teaming up with him to get Donghyuck off his back, he also happens to be a listener.

Renjun’s station… has listeners?

He refuses to believe it, but this anonymous caller is living proof. It looms on him to be more cautious this time, stop messing up words every now and then, since there might be people who think he’s worse than an amateur. But still, he has to admit, it’s quite a satisfying feeling.

"Wow. Thanks for saying what the rest of us has been dying to," he jokes. "Are you sure you’re not this infamous roommate?”

_ “Oh, god. No. I don’t think I’d last a day with someone dedicating Zombie for me.” _

So this person didn’t just tune in today, he also tuned it yesterday. “Well does this person want to introduce themselves then?”

It takes him a second but he responds saying  _ "Nana." _ Renjun was just about to comment on it before he quickly adds,  _ "It's not made up, I promise." _

Renjun laughs, amused. "Well, Nana. Thank you for tuning in. Up next is your special request by none other than our campus band. Here's Heart Track's Champagne Supernova."

When the music fades into play, Renjun sits back in his chair and relaxes himself. He knows occasionally there might be listeners for Radio Dream, but those are people who use him as background noise– people who aren't even paying attention, much as care, over things he has to say. That's why having Nana call, whoever this person is, is enough to give Renjun the validation he's been hoping for.

When the red light stops blinking on the landline, Renjun silently hopes that he'd call some other time again.

* * *

When Jaemin tells Mark that Radio Dream played their song, his best friend couldn't stop gushing. He's been grinning like a fool the entire day that Lucas literally had to bring his palm over Mark's face to wipe it off.

"Gross, dude. Did you even wash your hands?" Mark whines, flailing his hands to get rid of Lucas', which is in fact, bigger than his face.

Lucas blinks. "People wash their hands?"

Mark only throws him back a glare and considers it enough. He turns to Jaemin to shift his annoyance, nudging him. "So. I see you've been following my advice. Radio Dream? Not so bad, huh?"

Jaemin shrugs. To be honest, he's slept earlier last night than he has been for the last couple of days. Sure it was still past 2 AM, but given that his normal sleeping schedule is when the sun is up, he would consider it a major improvement.

He's not entirely sure if the late-night segment actually has some science to it– maybe it's the soundwaves of the music being played that gets him drowsy. Or maybe it's the DJ. Jaemin couldn't help but think there's something soothing about his voice. Something that exudes a calming presence.

It’s only been a few days and so far it hasn’t failed him. Lectures don’t pass by one ear to the other as often and he’s been keeping good track of his notes on his own. This doesn’t go unnoticed by Jeno, even asking him if he’s finally quit on coffee for good. In fact, only then did he realize that he hasn’t been drinking any at all.

He’s found a new habit though– lounging in at the coffee shop Mark works for until midnight. Mark would constantly complain that he gets self-conscious having Jaemin sit around an empty booth like a manager giving him an appraisal, but Jaemin reassures him that he’s only there to pass the time.

“You’re really gonna make this our thing?” Mark sighs behind the counter after hearing the door chimes ring when Jaemin walks in.

“Only if you want it to.” Jaemin gives him a toothy grin and Mark groans. He proceeds to sit cozily on a couch near the glass window as he sets his laptop up, and Mark comes up to him with a mug of hot chocolate.

“On the house,” Mark mumbles and walks back to his station before Jaemin could thank him.

Customers, mostly students, go by here and there and at one point it gets a bit busy that Jaemin couldn’t find the time to hold a conversation with Mark, so he gets himself entertained by connecting to the coffee shop’s free Wifi.

He finds out from their university forum that the seniors have just pulled their traditional senior prank earlier that day by filling the indoor gymnasium with helium balloons and beach balls. He chuckles, mindlessly clicking through pictures and comments until eventually, he finds himself scrolling through the university portal of Communication Arts students. 

He holds his hand back from the mousepad. Does he really want to know who DJ Moon is? After a few days of listening, he’s only ever had the courage to call once, and the only reason he did was to ease the tension between the live broadcast and the previous caller Full Sun. Not that he’s obligated to help save it, but he really was starting to feel bad for the host for having to constantly put up with the guy. Plus, Mark really wanted his band’s music to get aired.

But if DJ Moon is the reason he’s been getting at least six hours of sleep in a day (and not six hours of sleep in a week), shouldn’t he be personally giving his thanks? The thing is, no one knows he’s this anonymous caller named Nana. The nickname isn’t unfounded, it’s the same one he used when he was in preschool, except that he gradually stopped using it as soon as he entered high school. Not once has that name been used again. Until that night he called Radio Dream.

“Hey,” Mark says, making him snap from his daze. “Shift’s over. Let’s go?”

The walk back to the dorm is particularly quieter today. It’s less than a few hundred meters away from where they’re headed which shouldn’t take them more than a 10-minute walk, but the silence is way too deafening that it makes Jaemin feel like they’ve been at it for half an hour by now.

He understands though. Mark is obviously exhausted. Being a one-man barista at the rush of night isn’t the most effortless job to have, and Mark is most likely conserving enough energy before he collapses up four flights of stairs.

“You okay?” Jaemin asks quietly as he watches Mark barely keep his eyes open. Mark lags a few steps behind him, looks up, then nods.

“Yeah. Just… sleepy. Don’t sweat it. How ‘bout you? You sleeping well?”

“I, uh…” He’s contemplating if he should tell Mark about the DJ Moon and his radio segment he’s been actively tuning in to. “I listen to something if I can’t sleep.”

Well, he didn’t lie per se.

“I’m glad you’re getting rest. And you cut back on coffee too. You’re like a whole different person,” Mark marvels at him despite his exhaustion. Jaemin couldn’t help but look back on how much he’s been improving. Maybe eventually, he’ll be able to fully recover from his sleep deprivation.

As soon as Mark reaches his room, he gives Jaemin a pat on the shoulder and bids him a good night.

Jaemin finds Jisung already sleeping soundly under his covers and considerately tiptoes his way inside, closing the door slowly so as not to creak. He takes the time to change his clothes, wash his face, and brush his teeth before settling in bed.

It’s only half past 1 AM, but he tunes in anyway. It’s DJ Boo and Vernon’s late-night gossip segment.

Based off his understanding, their 1 AM segment (entitled ‘Shinhwhat?!’) doesn’t involve music but instead talks about the current gossips within the school. The hot topic today involves none other than the elaborate senior prank at the gymnasium, and DJ Boo tells Vernon the sports dean was not happy to see his turf vandalized. It fuels a mini-debate within a few callers here and there until eventually, their time’s up and they start introducing the segment next in line.

Jaemin doesn’t know why he’s suddenly feeling excited.

It takes about five minutes of ambient music before Radio Dream official starts.  _ “Hey there, students of Shinhwa University. I’m your host for tonight DJ Moon and you’re listening to Radio Dream. First song for tonight is something that I’ve had stuck in my head for a while. Here’s Coldplay with The Scientist.” _

One thing Jaemin has noticed is that DJ Moon has been a lot chirpier lately. Maybe it’s because he’s been getting a few callers here and there now that aren’t Full Sun. In the entire weeklong that Jaemin has been tuning in, DJ Moon’s calls have ranged from odd song requests to on-air confessions for their crushes who would never get to hear the broadcast. The show has developed a sense of community like that, even if some don’t make themselves known. It’s become a safe space for people like Jaemin. It makes him feel less alone.

He remains a passive listener, even when DJ Moon begins to discuss his opinion on the most-talked about senior prank.

_ “I don’t think it’s scandalous. If anything, it’s tamer than last year’s. I remember I was a freshman at that time, then all of a sudden I heard Ms. Yoon shriek so loudly that I thought my eardrums were about to burst. Turns out the seniors back then switched the signs for the male and female restrooms and she walked straight into this guy student taking a piss.” _

Looking past the disturbing tale, he realizes that DJ Moon is a sophomore– just like he was. So he’s probably bumped into him at some point, maybe? During orientation?

Jaemin doesn’t have a lot of close friends outside his HR circle, so he most likely has never met him personally. He figures Lucas must at least have a good guess who it is, but he doesn’t want his friend constantly bugging him on why he’s so keen to know.

_ “I think JohnD hyung talked about it here last year. It was his graduating class. He says they almost got held up for graduation because of it. You heard that too. Right, hyung?” _ DJ Moon asks. Jaemin assumes it’s a question for someone who keeps him company in the radio station.

The Comms Building where the radio booth is isn’t too far from the dorms, and Jaemin couldn’t help but picture a student, someone maybe around his age, lodged up in there and talking on his mic.

Eventually, the segment moves on and he starts picking up calls in between music.

_ "Hi DJ Moon," _ he hears a throaty female voice on air. Probably an insomniac like him.  _ "Just wanted to say thanks for the awesome song choices. I've been constantly updating my Spotify thanks to you." _

_ DJ Moon beams. "Oh hey, thanks! To be honest, most of these are from JohnD hyung’s playlist, and he only passed it down to me. _

_ "You know, I actually landed this job more by accident than by choice because no one really wanted the graveyard shift. But to be honest, it’s not so bad after all. I’ve been adding my own song choices occasionally so I’m really glad you appreciate it." _

Then it hits Jaemin. Maybe DJ Moon isn't so different from him either. It’s comforting, in a way, to know that there are others going through the same thing as him, and eventually finding their own footing in the process. Maybe Jaemin would find his own footing too.

DJ Moon answers a few more calls of appreciation, mostly towards him and his music choice, and Jaemin couldn’t help but feel a hint of pride that more people are starting to appreciate his segment.

Suddenly, Jaemin senses an urge to dial, not entirely sure if this is his chance. But before he knows it, he’s already phoning in. It’s already too late to drop the call when:

_ “Hey there, you’re on live radio.” _

“Hi,” Jaemin answers quickly. He's breathing against the mic of his earphones, careful not to wake Jisung up. "It's Nana. Again."

_ “Hey!" _ He notices his voice perk up, recognizing Jaemin.  _ "I knew it sounded familiar. You got any burning requests in mind?” _

“No, actually. I- I wanted to ask a question." Jaemin shifts on his bed, lying down on his side as he stares over the small cracks of paint on his wall. The DJ waits for Jaemin to go on, so he does. “How did you learn to love what you do?”

_ “You mean the radio gig? I- uh. Wow, well. Uhh.” _

Jaemin could tell he’s taken aback by having a question directly addressed  _ at him _ instead of having someone ask for advice. The thing is, Jaemin feels like he’s a person that has so much to tell about himself. Even if through soundwaves, Jaemin would love to get to know him better.

_ “That’s kind of a big word. I wouldn’t say I love it, but I guess I just- I figured how to enjoy it, you know? I get to play songs I’ve been wanting to hear on the radio, I talk about my day pretending someone cares, those kind of stuff. _

_ "I don't think a lot of people get to do what they really want to. If someone does, then they should consider themselves really lucky then. I guess, for people like me, you just have to find the good things about it, and eventually it'll outweigh all the cons of it." _

Jaemin hums, considering his words for a while. “You’re wrong though.”

_ “What do you mean?” _

“When…” Jaemin shifts on his bed again. Why is he suddenly so nervous? “You said people only pretend to care. About what you have to say? You’re wrong. I, uh, think you’re interesting.”

_ “Oh.. uh.. Thank you, that's… That's ni- kind of you to say, I appreciate it,” _ he stumbles over his words then clears his throat.  _ "So. Last chance, Nana. Any requests?” _

“Hmm,” Jaemin smiles, appreciating the fondness of having his nickname said aloud. “Surprise me.” 

_ "Alright, suit yourself," _ DJ Moon chuckles lightly.  _ "How about we have a five minute commercial break before we get things rolling again? If you guys are still up there, feel free to give me a ring!" _

Their university TV commercial fades into play at Jaemin's earphones and Jaemin figures he's done his part. Just when he's about to drop the call, he hears:

_ “H-hey, you still there?” _ It's the DJ. 

Jaemin panics for a second, but answers back. "Yeah."

_ “I, uh.. Thank you. For calling again.” _

He realizes the call isn't being broadcasted.

“I'm sorry?” He doesn't understand why he's thanking him. If anything, Jaemin knows he should be the one giving his thanks, not the other way around.

_ “When you first called. Uhh, last week. I don’t know if you’re aware, but that was the first real call I got. And everything just kinda fueled from there. I just.. I wanted to say thanks. I would’ve said thanks earlier but when the song played, you hung up already. And now I’m just rambling before this ends in two and a half minutes, so yeah.” _

“Oh.”

He hates to admit it, but Jaemin is lost for words. Jaemin never loses his words, even when he's had an hour of sleep a day. Just counting the amount of times he's had Mark blushing and stumbling over his sentences when he playfully flirts with him without warning– Jaemin is the one that  _ makes _ people lose their words. But this takes him by surprise. It just doesn't happen. He never thought that by doing something as simple as making a call would mean this much to someone else, and he's, well… fine, he's speechless.

_ "Listen. I gotta get going." _

"Right." Utterly speechless.

_ “Will you tune in? Until the end? I mean, you don’t have to. I-” _

“Sure," Jaemin says. Okay, he  _ may  _ be a bit drowsy by now and was planning on sleeping to the next song played, but this is a request. A personal request. Of course Jaemin isn't going to say no? That'd be rude.

When the segment goes back live, Jaemin waits. There must be something he wants Jaemin to look out for, so he pays extra close attention. He listens to the next two songs he plays but doesn't get much out of it as they're in English.

At the last ten minutes of the show, Jaemin realizes it's a lot less subtle that he expects it to be.

_ "Time check at 2:50 AM. Unfortunately, our show is already coming to an end. It's been a pleasure being your confidant tonight, I hope you guys enjoy your Thursday n- err.. Friday morning technically. But before we wrap things up, I'd like to give a shoutout to Nana, a friend I've made through this show." _

Jaemin freezes, suddenly feeling the dip in his stomach.

He considers Jaemin his friend. Not just a caller. Jaemin would take it, it's not like he finds DJ Moon the least bit interesting. Of course he would want to be his friend.

_ "Hey,"  _ DJ Moon says. He's not just directly talking to him on the line, but on broadcast.  _ "I don't know what keeps you up as late as this, but I hope whatever it is, that you're alright. Hopefully getting enough sleep. Last song for tonight, here's Hi Hello by Day6. Have a good night everyone, and see you all tomorrow!" _

Jaemin chuckles to himself. A few minutes earlier and he was just scratching his head trying to decipher the meanings behind foreign English songs, but for him, Renjun dedicates him something that isn't even ambiguous. All he just has to do is listen.

It’s no question Jaemin is curious who could it be, this unintentional friend of him. He’s never been to the radio booth before, he never had a reason to. Still, he imagines him leaned down on his chair, headphones on. 

Jaemin wonders if he’s imagining him too.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and/or comments are highly appreciated ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)
> 
> [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/dochidoii/) | [cc](https://curiouscat.me/dochidoii/)  



	3. three

It’s been a few days now and Renjun hates to admit it, but he’s been looking forward to his own radio show every day now. Even Jaehyun picks up on the excitement whenever he catches sight of Renjun trying to hide a huge grin on his face everytime he walks in the booth. 

Of course Renjun is happy. It took a while, but at least his show is slowly getting momentum now. He’s turned Radio Dream into a safe space for insomniacs and up-all-nighters alike, and surprisingly, Shinhwa has a  _ lot _ of these. But most importantly, his favorite caller has been phoning in almost every night now.

Nana.

At least that’s what he says his name is. Well, not like it’s important. If anything, a lot of his callers hide in obviously made-up western names too. Perhaps only a third of them give out their real names. Whether it be a confession to their crush, or cheating on an exam, or even having stolen something from their roommate (perhaps he has to keep tabs on Donghyuck, just in case), he doesn’t understand the logic behind hiding in one since none of the people they’re confessing to are actually listening. 

Jaehyun tells him that callers just want a reason to deny it afterwards when the person they’re confessing to actually  _ do _ end up listening. “No one needs to have proof it’s them– using fake names to tell a real story. It’s all systematic,” Jaehyun reassures him.

But Nana. Nana’s not even hiding. And the thing is, he calls rarely to talk about himself, but rather to know more about Renjun.

_ “Why is your DJ name called Moon?” _ he asks him.

Renjun scratches his head, chuckling. Even Jaehyun is looking at him curiously. “There’s this Swedish cartoon that I really like called Moomin, and if you rearrange the letters it spells out  _ ‘I’m Moon’ _ so there’s that. DJ Moon. Sort of like an anagram. It also helps that I work at the dead of night, so...”

Normally when he tells people that he’s fond of Moomin, he’d receive a shitful of giggles and slurs in return. But this time, Nana only gives him a thoughtful hum on the line.  _ “That’s actually pretty clever,” _ he mumbles.

Renjun smiles at the compliment. “How about you?”

_ “What about me?” _

“Why’s your fake name Nana?”

He hears a low laugh on the line.  _ “I told you it’s not fake.” _

“Really? So you go parading around campus as Nana?”

_ “Why? Do you plan on searching for me?” _

Renjun lets out a scoff. To be honest, it’s not like it hasn’t crossed his mind before. Still, Nana doesn’t need to hear that from him, so he returns to what he’s comfortable in: bickering. “Just so I could see if the name actually suits you.”

Nana laughs at this a little more freely this time, but still hitching his breath, probably so as not to wake whoever is with him in his room.

Renjun looks at the wall clock: 2:50 AM. Ten minutes ‘till he taps out. He could swear Nana called fifteen minutes ago. They’ve been talking for fifteen minutes? Phone-ins don’t usually extend to ten minutes, let alone five. And he’s been talking to this person for fifteen? It’s odd, Renjun thinks. Why does he feel so at ease with someone he doesn’t even know?

Although he knows they could probably end up talking for hours, he ultimately decides to cut their conversation short. He finally bids Nana a goodbye and a ‘Catch you on Monday again!’ before finally ending the call.

Renjun then seamlessly loops another track queued on their playlist at the end of their conversation. He swivels on his chair to find Jaehyun stifling back a laugh. Renjun frowns at him curiously.

“I never knew you had it in you,” Jaehyun tells him, biting down a smile.

“Had what in me?”

Jaehyun gives him a wide grin and reaches out to pat him on the shoulder. “The ability to flirt.”

Renjun deflects the teasing with a swatting arm and pushes Jaehyun away. He suddenly feels the blood rushing up to his face and he hopes to god Jaehyun doesn’t notice. “I wasn’t flirting.”

“Oh, Renjun,” Jaehyun coos. “My poor, innocent Renjun.”

Okay, maybe he did.

The days go by pretty fast and Ms. Park has been giving Renjun somewhat heartfelt compliments about how he runs his show. It surprises him, really, because for one, he never really expected Ms. Park to keep tabs on how he’s running the late night segment.

He thought she would warn him about the teasing remarks he got from some callers, asking him  _ 'So are you and Nana getting together or what?' _ but so far, she's been keeping a tight lip over it.

Then again, she might not even be listening after all. He realizes Jaehyun must’ve just been overselling him to her when she asks for mentor-apprentice feedback.

He assumes Nana is aware of the teasing too, but like Ms. Park, he doesn't bring it up in conversation. Renjun worries that it might be making him uncomfortable, but the thing is, sometimes Nana is the one who makes vague (flirty? Man, maybe Jaehyun is right) attempts at him. He could be overthinking this, though, so he brushes the thought off.

Doyoung also happens to greet him in the hallways more often these days too. He even goes through the extent of introducing Renjun to a bunch of somewhat popular seniors around campus, bragging about his radio gig. He’s almost certain Doyoung is only doing this because Renjun  _ has _ been playing Heart Track quite a lot, and not just from song requests either but through his actual playlist. Still, he can’t help but feel a bit prideful when they let him know they tune in sometimes.

Having Doyoung parade him around campus isn’t so bad. It’s not like Renjun wants to stay anonymous either, because let’s be real, he’s putting a good chunk of effort and sacrificing a good night’s sleep to keep the campus radio alive, of course he wants the recognition.

Now he just wonders when is it enough to get the information across to Nana.

* * *

When Jaemin told Mark that another one of their songs got played  _ again _ , he was half-expecting his friend to be all giddy and ecstatic, like he did the first time. Except he’s been letting Mark know almost every day now for the past few weeks that Jaemin finally received a smirk in return.

“You really like listening to that radio show, huh?”

Jaemin panics but catches himself quickly enough for it to go unnoticed, so instead he rolls his eyes. “You were the one who suggested it in the first place.”

They’re seated at the bleachers of the indoor gym, waiting for Lucas to wrap up his training. Strictly speaking, it's supposedly the weekend, but given that Jaemin has nothing better to do than lounge around his dorm room and Mark’s band practice doesn’t start ‘till late noon, they decided to accompany Lucas instead.

“Just tell him,” Mark says simply and Jaemin looks over at him.

“What?”

“Tell him you like him.”

Jaemin pauses, then scoffs. He’s already spent a good amount of time with his mouth hanging open and forcing a ridiculed laugh out of him that he starts stuttering. “I- I never said I liked the radio DJ?”

A knowing smile spreads across Mark’s face. “I haven’t even mentioned who yet.”

Oh, he’s enjoying this– catching Jaemin off-guard. Jaemin figures it’s about time karma got him anyway after constantly teasing Mark. The only thing he's left to do is groan. Groan at how annoying his bestfriend is… or maybe at how right he is.

“Look, I have a confession to make.” Mark clears his throat, cutting Jaemin off from his train of thought. “I listened to his show once. I accidentally drank something caffeinated at work that night so I was up ‘til dawn. I decided to tune in to Radio Dream to see what made you so invested in it.”

Jaemin takes in a deep breath. He knows where this is going.

“Then when he was taking calls… I recognized  _ your _ voice,” Mark says it carefully, looking at him for confirmation but Jaemin only looks away. “Nana, right?”

Jaemin gives him a subtle nod, still refusing to meet his eyes. No point denying now anyway.

He never actively hid that he's been engaging with the radio show, but still he couldn't help but feel exposed. The show has always been a safe space for Jaemin and to have someone identify him on it makes it nothing different from the reality he's trying to run away from. So yeah, it sucks. 

Mark seemingly catches on. "I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to."

“It’s okay,” Jaemin shakes his head. Mark doesn't need to feel bad. “I- I appreciate if you wouldn’t tell anyone, though.”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course,” Mark reassures him quickly, almost like a sigh of relief.

Their conversation gets cut short by Lucas. He hollers at them from the court, running around in his squeaky basketball shoes that it echoes through the entire gymnasium. The sweat on his skin glistens and he's waving at them in the middle as he breaks into a dance (or so Jaemin would generously consider it a dance.) He quickly gets stopped by his coach, blowing his whistle for him to get back in their meeting circle.

From his peripheral vision, Jaemin is almost certain he catches Mark biting back a smile and looking away.

He chuckles. Maybe he’s not the only one hiding something.

The thing about the weekdays is that Jaemin already has a fixed routine: survive through his classes, do his homework at the cafe while he waits until Mark’s shift is over, get back to his dorm to tune in to Radio Dream, snooze, and repeat.

On weekends, however, there isn’t much for him to do. Jisung, for a freshman, is surprisingly active on out-of-campus activities– participating in street dances and workshops whether it be a school requirement or not. Lucas is probably knocked out on his bed after getting physically drained out of training, and Mark is busy with his band practice. Jaemin would’ve gladly accompanied him except Mark doesn’t really let him watch their rehearsals (he says it’s embarrassing), so that leaves Jaemin stuck in his own room. 

He has successfully finished watching You’ve Got Mail on Netflix and sprawls himself on his bed, mindlessly scrolling through his phone when suddenly Mark’s caller ID pops out of the screen.

_ “You’ll never believe what I just found out,” _ Mark tells him the moment he picks up. Jaemin sits up, not entirely sure where Mark is going with this when his voice is hinting something exciting.  _ “Doyoung knows the DJ.” _

Jaemin falters. “What?”

_ “He said it in passing but I didn’t want to sound too eager so I didn’t ask any further, but he knows!” _

Jaemin is frozen on the line and Mark has to call his name twice to reel him back in. Eventually, he asks, “Why are you telling me this?”

Mark stammers, taken aback.  _ “I- I don’t know. I figured you’d want to meet him.” _

Jaemin thought so too, but that was before it all felt too close to being real. There’s too many what-ifs that Jaemin is scared to find out and disappoint himself.

What if he isn’t what Jaemin’s expecting? What if  _ Jaemin _ isn’t what he’s expecting? Mark letting him know that this DJ Moon is an actual, breathing human being sends Jaemin slightly panicking. Of course he knows that, but talking to him in the middle of the night, or even just listening– it all feels like a dream to him and he doesn’t want to taint it. He prefers the anonymity. 

“I’m not sure,” he admits quietly.

The weekday rolls in quicker than Jaemin expected it to. When he gets back to his dorm room after staying at the coffee shop, he texts Mark to go to sleep already.

Jaemin couldn’t help but notice how restless his friend has been getting– the dark circles under his eyes are evident and almost up to par with his. Lucas seems to notice too now that Mark has been beginning to get annoyed easily and wouldn’t play along with his antics.

Jaemin knows this all too well. On his sleepless days, he’s been told he’s irritable if not drowsy. At this point he’s already mastered the art of adapting through it, but he can’t say the same for his friend.

**Jaemin [12:10 AM]** **  
** get some sleep

**Mark [12:15 AM]**   
You’re one to talk

Jaemin chuckles as soon as he reads the notification. He doesn’t reply any further to actually help his friend fall asleep. Eventually, Jaemin lies down on his bed and waits for the segment.

As soon as the opening theme comes up, Jaemin can already feel the weight on his eyes getting heavier. It’s Pavlovian at this point. He’s done his fair amount of research so as to give him an answer why and how Radio Dream gets to tuck him in bed.

What he found was it’s actually counterintuitive– his mind needs something to pay attention to except that he can’t because it always ends up wandering elsewhere.

He can, however, stick his earphones in and listen to a soothing talking voice mixed together with the perfect sleep playlist.

Tonight isn't any different from the usual– DJ Moon welcomes his listeners, plays a few tunes, and answers one or two calls.

Just by following the pattern, Jaemin could already tell at least thirty minutes has come and gone. The conversation with Mark from the weekend suddenly looms over him.

Does Jaemin like DJ Moon? Sure he does. But not in a romantic way, rather something more personal. He  _ likes _ that this person's voice is enough to send him snoozing, he  _ likes _ having a conversation with him. Sometimes it even crosses his mind that they just might even be good friends if they met elsewhere.

So does he really not want to know who this person on the other end of the line is? What's he so afraid of? There's really no one he could turn to judging by how he barely wants  _ anyone _ to know about his situation.

Then when he hears DJ Moon give his spiel reminding listeners to call in for advice, it doesn't sound like such a bad idea. His dials the number he's already memorized by heart and it doesn't even take two rings for DJ Moon to pick up.

_ "Hey there, night owl." _

"Hey yourself," Jaemin replies. 

_ "Oh, hey!”  _ An involuntary smile grows on Jaemin’s face when he hears the voice perk up.  _ “You know, I've actually been waiting for you to call. I was gonna tell you I finally deduced a few facts about me interesting enough to say on air, so hit me up, I came prepared." _

Jaemin couldn't hide his grin now, feeling the prominence of his cheek bones. It's almost adoring how he actually took the time to note some things about himself, knowing Jaemin calls not to burden him with his own personal life, but for Jaemin to know him better.

Also, did he just say he's been waiting for Jaemin to call?

Jaemin brushes it off. “I- uh. I actually called for some advice this time. Hypothetically."

_ "Oh." _ He sounds genuinely surprised.  _ “Okay then, let’s hear it.” _

“Okay," Jaemin mutters, clearing his throat. "What if, let’s say a person… likes someone- likes  _ talking _ to someone... and they’re not sure if that someone is ever going to like them back because… they’ve never met.”

_ “They’ve never met? Like, they know each other online?”  _ he asks carefully. Jaemin breathes a sigh of relief at how oblivious he is over the situation.

“Well, something like that. Hypothetically. Is it ridiculous?”

DJ Moon scoffs almost instantly.  _ “Of course not. This person’s feelings belong only to them and I don’t think I’m in a position to tell them it’s ridiculous." _

Jaemin could feel his stomach churning. He understands now why he likes talking to the DJ so much. He always knows what to say. "So... should this person confess?" Jaemin asks.

There's a pause on the line and he instantly regrets taking it this far. He squints harshly, unable to keep himself still on the bed and almost considers dropping the call, but DJ Moon answers before he could.

_ “I think this person should, yeah. I mean, they’re never gonna know if they don’t say anything, right? Maybe… maybe he should take a risk,” _ DJ Moon tells him, finding his words.  _ "Who knows, maybe it would turn out better than he thinks it would." _

“Take a risk,” Jaemin repeats.

_ “Yeah.” _ The way he says it sounds reassuring. When Jaemin doesn’t say anything back, he clears his throat.  _ “So with that, do you have any song requests?” _

“I like you.”

Jaemin's suddenly widens his eyes at what just left his mouth. He wants to take it back and hang up, except it’s already out there on air for everyone awake at this hour to hear. He doesn’t know what’s gotten into him that made the words slip out but he  _ has _ to backpedal.

_ “W-what?” _

“B-by Day6! I like you by Day6,” Jaemin blurts out before he could pick out his words, the sheer panic in his voice evident.

_ “Right. Right, of course."  _ Realizing the turn of events, DJ Moon laughs lightly.

Jaemin moves the mic of his earphones away from him and lets out a sigh of relief but his heart is still jumping out of his shirt as he listens to DJ Moon clear his throat.

“ _ Requested by our caller Nana, here’s I Like You by Day6.” _

As soon as the music fades in, Jaemin hangs up before DJ Moon could stop him and pulls his earphones out of his ears by the cord. He hangs his head on the edge of the bed and wriggles restlessly that it sends Jisung grunting on the other end of the room, shushing him half-asleep.

Jaemin regains himself and props back on the bed. Instead, he buries his face on the pillow. “What did I just do?” he mutters.

* * *

Jaehyun has been keeping a tight lip until the end of the segment and it’s almost infuriating for Renjun when he looks over at him obviously trying to suppress a smile. He already knows he’s made a fool of himself for assuming it was  _ him _ when Nana requested a song and he’s just thankful the broadcast doesn’t get reuploaded on the portal app. On the bright side, he’s only embarrassed himself to whoever’s awake and listening. At least that’s how he comforts himself.

He pulls the hood of his sweater over his head as he waits for Jaehyun to lock the room on their way out. At this point, he just wants to sleep this one through. 

“You panicked there, buddy,” Jaehyun tells him nonchalantly as soon as he’s done.

Renjun winces. He’s been hoping Jaehyun isn’t bringing it up anytime soon since he doesn’t really know how to respond, so instead he whines. “Hyung, don’t.”

“Ah, this is it,” Jaehyun sighs, putting his arm over Renjun. “Young love.”

“First of all, our age gap isn’t that wide,” Renjun mumbles, taking Jaehyun’s arm off. “Second, please stop.”

“He likes you.”

Renjun lets out a frustrated groan and he knows it’s what Jaehyun has been wanting out of him when he bursts out laughing. Jaehyun ruffles Renjun’s hair and Renjun allows him in defeat.

By the time they finally part ways, he heaves a sigh of relief, finally catching a break from his hyung’s constant teasing.

Whatever happened back at the station… Renjun doesn’t really understand. He hates to admit it, but Jaehyun was right. He  _ did  _ panic. Why did he even consider that song was meant for him? 

He quietly opens his door and peeks inside, the dim light from the hallways slightly peek over at a sleeping Donghyuck on his bed. Renjun gets inside quickly so as not to wake him, tiptoeing to his bed. He offers a silent thanks that his roommate slept through this broadcast. At least that’s one less teasing to tolerate.

“So...”

Renjun turns his head back at Donghyuck’s groggy voice. Half-asleep, his friend lifts his head up from his pillow before chuckling.

“About Nana.”

Renjun buries his head on the pillow.

Maybe he spoke too soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos/comments are gladly appreciated٩(ˊᗜˋ*)
> 
> [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/dochidoii/) | [cc](https://curiouscat.me/dochidoii/)  



	4. four

It isn't a surprise that Donghyuck has been constantly teasing him the entire day over Nana. Renjun knew it was bound to happen when he found out his roommate has been listening all along. In a way, it’s flattering for Renjun to know that his friend still supports his show despite having a small fight over it.

He went to his first class and received a text saying  _ "good luck on your quiz, lover boy :)" _ and sat with him at lunch as he tried dodging cheek pinches every three minutes.

"My baby's all grown!" Donghyuck coos, catching his cheek this time. Renjun glares at him in the middle of taking a bite at his sandwich.

Renjun knows this is how Donghyuck is and has always been. He doesn't even try to fight it because he loses anyway. However, while Renjun is doing homework at the library that night, his roommate unexpectedly barges in and shouts  _ 'Renjun!' _ and surprises the handful of students, including the librarian who shushes him.

"Sorry," Donghyuck mumbles halfheartedly at the glowering librarian.

Renjun is gaping at him from the last table at the end of the room, squinting through his glasses as he makes sure it really is Donghyuck. Donghyuck? In the library? The last place you'd ever find him in?

"There you are!" Donghyuck exclaims when he finally locks eyes with Renjun from the other end. About four or five students simultaneously hush him this time. "Sorry, sorry…" Donghyuck nods to each one of them as he walks his way towards Renjun. "You," he points at Renjun, sitting down at the chair across him. "I found him."

"Found who?" Renjun frowns at him.

It scares Renjun when a devious grin spreads over Donghyuck's face and he is hoping it isn't what he thinks it is until: "Nana."

The annoyance on Renjun's face slowly turns into panic, but before he could say anything, Donghyuck is already reaching over his pocket to grab his phone– trying to show him physical evidence of his anonymous friend.

Renjun catches a glance of screenshots grabbed from Instagram, and he swats Donghyuck’s phone away. "Isn't this borderline illegal?" he asks.

"It's on the internet, that's a gray area," Donghyuck counters. He's facing his phone towards Renjun's direction and the other is refusing to look. "What? These aren't nudes, shut the fuck up!" Donghyuck hisses.

“What if you’re stalking some innocent random guy, huh?”

Donghyuck gives him an offended look. “What do you think of me? A loser with no friends?”

“Oh, so you’re telling me you’re friends with him?”

“Well, no,” Donghyuck admits. “But I am friends with this HR major Jeno? He was part of the organizers for that school concert thing last year that I MC-ed on.”

Renjun shakes his head. “Doesn’t ring a bell, no.”

“Anyway,” Donghyuck sighs at Renjun’s deadpan encouragement. “He tagged this guy that has ‘Na’ in his username and–”

“A syllable. How convincing.”

“Will you just listen?”

Renjun laughs. He always finds it amusing when he finally ticks Donghyuck off, but when he realizes he’s actually serious, Renjun nods him to go on.

“He’s also an insomniac.” Donghyuck ditches the phone gallery, figuring Renjun isn’t going to take him seriously with it, so instead he shows Renjun the campus portal stats. “Searched up the name on the portal and here’s what I found. It shows he’s active every past midnight on weekdays while  _ conveniently _ idle as soon as your segment ends.”

Renjun blankly reaches out for Donghyuck’s phone, reading the student profile. He never really found it useful since students only ever really open it to read school newsletters or news about class suspensions. It all looked so real that Donghyuck couldn’t possibly be making this up. 

He glances at the student profile ID at the top of his page. Beside his picture, written is:  _ ‘Na Jaemin – BS in Human Resource Management’.  _ He isn’t really what Renjun imagined him to be. An HR major? Well, to be honest, Renjun doesn’t even know what he’s imagining of him– only that he really,  _ really _ likes talking to him. Maybe that’s why he assumed it was meant for him when Nana called for advice.

“That’s your Nana,” Donghyuck gives him an amused smile, knowing he’s finally convinced Renjun.

To say that Renjun hasn’t been paranoid all day long is an understatement, but of course he isn’t letting it show. He tries his hardest not to stare too long at the people he bumps into during lunch or when he’s on his way to his Business class– conveniently being in the same building as most HR classes. Thankfully, he makes his way unscathed.

Donghyuck isn’t of help either, randomly blurting out  _ ‘Ya! Jaemin!’ _ in the hallways, hoping someone turns. Renjun makes his way out of there as fast as he could. He refuses to answer Donghyuck’s texts the entire day and hides himself at the library.

Later that evening as he’s walking back to the dorm to get ready for his shift, he passes by Mark at the entrance. He hasn’t seen him at this hour for quite a while so it shortly surprises Renjun to find him bent over hands on knees at the bottom of the stairs. This time, however, Renjun notices he’s looking worse than he remembers him. He’s visibly paler and lost the roundness of his cheeks. Funny how things changed in a span of a couple of months.

When Renjun catches his eye on their way up the stairs, he gives him the same curt nod he did the first time. As he’s expecting to get one in return, Mark calls out to him instead, “Hey, can you…”

Renjun takes a step back from the stairs, focusing his attention to him surprisingly. “Me?”

“Can you…” Mark’s hand reaches out to the one strap of his bag slung over his shoulder, except that it falls to the first step of the staircase. When Renjun looks back at him, he looks physically lightheaded that Renjun instinctively walks up to check on him.

“Are... you okay?”

“I think I need to…”

And just like that, Mark’s knees buckle and his body unconsciously shifts to fall onto Renjun’s tiny frame. Renjun yelps, catching him before he falls face first on the steps, or worse, have both of them falling. 

It dawns on Renjun that the clinic is just by the next building beside the male dormitories, so he steadies his knees as he grips on Mark’s arm around his shoulder. He reaches out for the discarded backpack on the ground, trying his best to keep Mark steady. Mark isn’t knocked out, but he also isn’t in any condition to walk on his own or else Renjun fears he’ll collapse to the hard tiles. Once he's all set, Renjun leads to make their way.

If there’s one thing he’s taking out of this moment is that Mark is definitely heavier than he seems.

“You’re friend’s high on caffeine  _ and _ dehydrated,” the nurse says, unamused. 

Renjun has been sitting on a chair adjacent to where Mark lies on a hospital bed. He’s rotating his sore shoulders from the sudden need to sling Mark’s arm around him and drag him here. She’s shaking her head in disapproval as she writes on her clipboard.

“It’s a miracle it took him this long to pass out. What is it with you kids and turning coffee into a personality trait?”

“He’s not really my…” Renjun mumbles but eventually decides against it.

She drops the clipboard on the table and walks towards Mark on the hospital bed, adjusting the IV tube attached to his hand. “Either he can finish this bag and go back to his room or stay here until tomorrow, but he’d be charged for additional school fees. You don’t need to worry about that because I’m required to let his emergency contact know about what happened.”

Renjun opens his mouth, unsure of what to say. He isn’t in a position to speak for Mark. Hell, they barely even know each other. But for some reason, he thinks having his emergency contact know about him fainting is the last thing he’d want to happen.

Mark, who Renjun thought has been passed out all along, quickly shoots himself up. “No, no, wait. Don’t call my Mom,” he says groggily, still slightly disoriented. He's glancing up at the bag of IV fluid that goes straight to his veins. “I’ll finish this and I’ll go, just please don’t let her know.”

The nurse looks at him sternly before finally saying, “Fine. But keep your voices down, other patients are asleep on the other end.”

Mark sighs in relief. As soon as she’s out of earshot, he turns to Renjun and whispers, “Hey.” He’s squinting hard, snapping his free hand at him as he tries to recall something. “Renjun. Right?”

Renjun nods, surprised. “You know me?” 

“Kind of. I think Doyoung hyung’s mentioned you once or twice. I can’t lay a finger where, though.” He picks up his bag from the table beside his bed and grabs his phone, typing away.

“Ah, Doyoung hyung.” That would make sense. Doyoung knows him because of the radio station and Doyoung knows Mark because they’re bandmates. Renjun isn’t one to brag about his gig (Doyoung does that for him), so he addresses Mark’s own instead. “You’re in the school band.”

Mark looks up from his phone, amused. “That’s me, yeah.”

“Cool.” 

“I- uh,” he clears his throat. “Thank you. For dragging me here, you know, half-conscious and all. I’ve been feeling out of it for the past few weeks, I kinda knew it was gonna happen sooner or later. Just sucks it had to be the one time my friend isn’t with me. He usually waits for me at the cafe and we walk back to the dorm together. So, you know, sorry it had to be you.”

Renjun shakes his head to let him know Mark doesn't need to apologize. "You work part-time?” he asks, shifting the conversation back at him.

“Yeah, which is exactly  _ why _ my Mom can’t know. She doesn’t really know I’m short on cash right now and if she finds out I've been using the money for the band, she'd go on a nagging spree.”

Renjun chuckles. By nature, he checks the time on his phone: 12:35 AM. Mark seems to notice because he quickly tells him:

“Oh shit. Hey, if you’re in a hurry, you’re free to leave. It’s late anyway.” He glances at his phone. “I already texted my friend about what happened and he’s on his way. You don’t really have to wait for me or anything. Seriously, thank you.”

Renjun shakes his head quickly. “It’s okay. My classes don’t start ‘till noon tomorrow. I can wait until your friend shows up.”

It’s not like Renjun is the nicest person on the planet. To be honest, he just needs as much time to kill until he starts his station and hanging out with Mark doesn’t sound like such a bad idea either.

Mark squints at him again. "This is gonna sound weird, but your voice sounds really familiar. Have we talked before?"

Renjun shakes his head, unsure. "No, sorry." The first thought that crossed his mind is that he’s mixing him up with someone else. He’s been told he has a pretty generic voice so it’s not unlikely. The second thought is that Mark might have phoned him in on Radio Dream before, but if he did, then Renjun would recognize.

He’s good with voices. He’s able to pinpoint almost any artist on the radio despite just knowing one song. He’s able to tell if Donghyuck is giving him a prank call no matter how many voices he imitates. It’s safe to say that once Renjun has heard someone speak, he can immediately pinpoint them on their next interaction.

So by nature, he’s able to prove that to himself when he hears the person entering the room.

“Jesus, Mark. I leave you on your own for five minutes and you suddenly almost die."

_ Shit _ .

Renjun tenses before he could look up. He would know that voice  _ anywhere.  _ So when he lifts his head, he gets the confirmation he’s been fearing for.

He's watching the person nudge Mark’s elbow lightly. Mark groans exaggeratedly and he receives a side-eye in return. “I didn’t even  _ faint _ , okay? I just...” Mark does a little gesture, “My knees started getting all wobbly.”

It's Nana.

He doesn't look that different from his student ID on the portal but Renjun still refuses to believe he just so  _ conveniently _ happens to be Mark's friend too.

The thought gets shut off almost immediately when Mark speaks out. "Oh, hey. Renjun, this is Jaemin. Jaemin, Renjun. Dude saved me before I could crack my skull open."

Well, that says it.

When Jaemin’s eyes finally land on him, Renjun looks away. He can feel his heartbeat racing and he worries they're both going to notice anytime soon.

“Thanks for keeping an eye on him,” Jaemin tells him.

It’s him! Nana is speaking? To  _ him? _

Renjun opens his mouth to say it’s no big deal, then retracts, realizing his voice is going to give him away. Instead, he nods.

“Dude, you okay?” Mark squints at him. “You look… I don’t know. Like you’ve seen a ghost?”

He nods then shakes his head, then nods again. He's feeling his palms getting all clammy so he shoves them inside the pockets of his sweater to hide the physical evidence of his hysteria. Jaemin is staring at him curiously too.

Great, now Jaemin thinks he’s weird.

“I should go,” he mumbles under his breath, a little too fast for Mark to understand. Before Mark could ask him to repeat what he just said, he’s already nodding at them politely, still refusing to make eye contact with either of them.

As soon as he whizzes past them, he can feel both of their eyes burning on the back of his head and he purses his lips frustratedly.

Just  _ how _ could Donghyuck be so right all the damn time?

It’s fifteen minutes until 2 AM– ideally, around this time he’s already settled comfortably outside the booth, waiting for Seungkwan and Hansol to wrap up their program. Tonight, however, he’s back in his room. Donghyuck woke up earlier to the sound of the door shutting, and furrowed his brows at a rather distressed-looking Renjun.

“I’m sick,” Renjun explained, walking to his bed to bury himself in his blanket. He figured Donghyuck knew it wasn’t true, but didn’t ask any further.

Renjun lies there on his bed, sleepless and staring at the lightbulb. Thinking about how the odds have unexpectedly led him to Nana. He struggles through a mental debate on discussing this with Donghyuck, but he’s already sound asleep on the other end.

It doesn’t take long for Renjun’s phone to start ringing– it’s Jaehyun hyung, probably already looking for him.

_ "Hey, you're not here yet?"  _ Jaehyun asks coolly as soon as he picks up.  _ "...Renjun?"  _ he asks again, a hint of concern in his voice now.

"Hyung, I'm…” Renjun sits up. “I’m not feeling well."

_ "What do you mean? I saw you this morning, you looked fine. You  _ sound _ fine." _

"I'm not lying,” Renjun answers back quickly, trying his best not to sound too defensive. “I was... at the clinic earlier. You could ask the head nurse." Well, it isn't a  _ lie _ per se.

Thankfully, Jaehyun seems to buy it and Renjun sighs in relief.  _ "Alright, I’ll cover for you tonight. Get some rest, buddy. See you." _

"Thanks, hyung,” he mumbles as he ends the call.

He sighs to himself. To be honest, he doesn’t even know if he has the courage to get back in that booth again.

* * *

Earlier at the clinic, Jaemin had been counting down each drop of that IV bag as the clocked ticked down to 2 AM, tapping his foot impatiently for Mark's veins to hurry up since he has a show to catch.

When he got back to his bed, it's already been thirty minutes past two. Still, he tunes in, half-expecting to hear DJ Moon in the middle of a phone call with the other regulars on the show just before he dives into a song. He gets the phoning part right, except that it's a different voice on air. It's JaeD, the radio jock from last year.

Jaemin furrows his brows, turning the volume up to make sure he's hearing it right. JaeD mentioned DJ Moon was feeling a bit under the weather today so he took over for tonight. Jaemin couldn't help but wonder if he was at the clinic too. It would've been odd thinking they were in one room together.

However, when he tunes in the next night, DJ Moon is still nowhere on air. JaeD tells them that he's been sick, and regular callers have been wishing him well. But when the next few days pass and he's still missing, neither JaeD nor the callers bother to bring it up anymore.

Listeners have started getting accustomed to him on the timeslot that no one really minded. Not to mention that JaeD already has a strong following thanks to his, uh… 'sexy' voice (their words, not his.)

Jaemin finds himself not being as proactive as he was before– he spaces out whenever JaeD talks about his day, even turning it off before the show would end. It isn't that JaeD is a bad host, Jaemin just lost interest. In fact, when the news broke that JaeD is officially hosting Radio Dream now, a lot of the freshmen girls started participating in the show so Jaemin thinks he's no longer needed anyway.

Ultimately, he stops listening. He couldn't help but wonder if he scared DJ Moon away with his supposed confession. Maybe he realized it was actually for him and concludes that Jaemin is a creep. Whatever the reason is, the bottomline is he's no longer hosting Radio Dream.

Jaemin's caffeine habits also happen to be back, earning himself a scolding from Jeno when he catches him with a cup of coffee in his hand.

At lunch, Lucas shakes his head at his two friends disapprovingly. "You guys are disappointing." He's sighing at their coffee cups situated on the lunch table as he sets his own protein shake down. “Whatever happened to our healthy-living advocacy?"

"First of all, not everyone has the luxury and second, almost half of the school's been pulling an all-nighter now that exams are coming," Mark retorts. “That’s what people who open a book do: read.”

"Oh, Mark." Lucas draws out a sigh. "Mark, you were the chosen one!" Mark and Jaemin glance at each other until Lucas suddenly bangs his fist on the table dramatically, making the two of them jump. "It was said that you would destroy the Sith, not join them!" Lucas exclaims in his best Obi-Wan Kenobi voice. “Bring balance to the Force, not leave it in darkness!”

Students seated at the lunch tables surrounding them turn their heads at the commotion and Mark hides his face behind his palms, muttering, “Oh god, no.”

Jaemin puts a hand over his mouth, suppressing a laugh as he watches the two. Once Lucas has decided that he’s embarrassed Mark successfully, he grins, sitting himself down.

“Anyway,” Mark faces Jaemin, ignoring Lucas. “Do you want to come with? The library’s open 24/7 for exams week. I don’t really get any studying done when I’m in my room so I might as well crash there.”

“Sure,” Jaemin says. It’s not like he’s occupied with anything either.

“Hey, how come neither of you are inviting me?” Lucas pouts.

“You literally just said you’re an anti all-nighter.”

“Still! You should’ve invited me for courtesy.”

“Well, will you come with us?”

“No.”

Mark lets out a long sigh.

* * *

Renjun hasn’t been hosting Radio Dream for days. Jaehyun asked him about it the next day, but Renjun didn’t admit why. Since then, Jaehyun never bugged him over it and officially took on the past-midnight schedule.

He feels bad. He feels bad for (1) lying to Jaehyun; and (2) being let off the hook so easily. The cause of him leaving isn’t anything too personal like what Ms. Park thought so. She keeps reassuring him things will get better, and that if he wants anyone to talk to, her door is always open. He wants to tell them it’s nothing to worry about, but at the same time he doesn’t want to step foot inside the booth anytime soon either. 

He feels guilty for people worrying over him, but what they don’t know is it’s just his self-indulgent fear taking over. The guilt has been eating him for a while now that he eventually admits to Donghyuck about the real reason why. Surprisingly to him, his friend doesn’t tease him over it– their only conversation about it being, “So you actually met Nana?” “Yep.” “Oh.”

Despite leaving the radio show, Renjun's body clock has been so used to his old schedule that he still barely gets any sleep before 3 AM. He listens to Radio Dream occasionally and he couldn't help but admire how great Jaehyun has been doing. It's almost like he's meant for this. He wonders if this was how he was too.

On occasion, a caller or two would phone in and say they miss DJ Moon and Jaehyun would say, "Me too." It makes him a bit regretful he chose to leave, but what was he supposed to do? Let Nana know that he stalked his profile and knew it was him at the clinic? Continue pretending he doesn't? When he decided he couldn't do both, he figured his best option was to get himself out of the situation.

Exams season is coming. The school hallways are cluttered with signs and banners saying  _ 'Good luck on exams, Shinhwans!'  _ and the campus speakers continually remind students that starting this week, the radio will be closed in the meantime and will be operated by a scheduled playlist to give radio DJs a chance to do their own studying.

He passes by a sign on the announcement board saying that the library would be open the entire week for study and he sighs, realizing his only safe space is about to be cramped with students pretending that they are.

“There you are!”

Renjun doesn’t even turn his head to look at him as Donghyuck slings an arm around his shoulder, his eyes following Renjun’s to read the same sign.

“24/7 library? Really?” he grimaces.

Renjun shakes his arm off. “I suppose you have any other suggestions,” he quips sarcastically.

“As a matter of fact, I do.” He reaches out for his phone and excitedly shows a text to Renjun. “Doyoung hyung invited us to a senior party on Friday.”

“Seriously? Exams start next week.”

“What? It’s Shinhwan tradition to get wasted the weekend before exams.”

Renjun gives him a baffled look, losing all hope for his friend. “On what grounds?!”

“Look, it’s a senior party, it’s always iconic. You either get invited or you don’t. You know some juniors actually bribe seniors to get in?”

“Well, have fun being a sophomore again next year.”

“Renjun!” Donghyuck whines, hitting his arm. “Come on. Sophomores never get invited to stuff like these, we’d be pioneers!” He pulls Renjun back again, melodramatically running his hand in the air. “Think about it: cool Renjun, hanging out at senior parties! It’ll be your legacy!”

"It'll be  _ your  _ legacy." Renjun flicks Donghyuck’s hand off his shoulder. “Donghyuck, if you badly want to be there, why don’t you just go? I’m not stopping you.”

Donghyuck hesitates for a second. Renjun would even say he looks like he’s a mix of surprised and hurt. Silently, he mutters, “I wanted to go with my bestfriend, you idiot.”

Okay, so Renjun feels bad. Ever since the beginning of the semester, he’s been nothing but an asshole to him. Donghyuck has been trying for  _ weeks _ to cheer Renjun up and he won’t let him, constantly pushing him away thinking his friend is just there to make his life more miserable than it already is. But now– now he gets to hear it for himself. Despite their constant horseplay, Donghyuck really does care about him.

“Okay,” he says silently.

Donghyuck looks up at him, eyes lighting up. “Really?”

It takes a second for Renjun to respond, but seeing how hopeful Donghyuck is looking at him, he nods reluctantly.

Renjun isn't as friendless as Donghyuck makes him out to be. Of course he's been to college parties before. Unfortunately, all that he's been to are the ones celebrated formally inside school. This one, however, is happening at an actual nightclub– no school staff, no university manual, no anything.

Doyoung texted them the night before to be there by 8, but Donghyuck insists Renjun they  _ have _ to be at least thirty minutes late. "It's what the cool kids do."

"And we are?" Renjun scoffs at Donghyuck who's been patting down the hair sprout at the top of his head for the past ten minutes.

Donghyuck looks back at him, chuckling. "Well, I am. I don't know about you."

Renjun frowns.

Earlier today, he's been debating if he should backout of it and situate himself in a corner of the library instead. But he already swore to Donghyuck he’d accompany him, and judging how the guilt has been eating him up for days, he thinks this is at least one way to get things even.

Most of the clubs can be found within the university district– the most prestigious one that Shinhwan students go to are not too far off from theirs, so they walk the streets instead. Renjun wipes the sweat from his palms in his jeans mindlessly. He intentionally dressed down for the night– a denim jacket and some casual jeans and sneakers, in hopes of not coming off too much of a try-hard, but when they get to the venue, he’s starting to think he’s  _ too _ underdressed.

“Renjun! Donghyuck!” Doyoung calls out, waving at them from a couch as he sees the two wander mindlessly inside. “You made it.” He points to a general direction in the room. “Go get your drinks by the bar. There’s chips on the table too. Everything’s paid for already so just help yourselves.”

Donghyuck nods enthusiastically, dragging Renjun by the arm. 

By the time they get to the bar, Donghyuck takes charge, handing Renjun whatever drink it is that he ordered for him. God knows what’s mixed in it, but given that it tastes like orange juice rather than alcohol, Renjun gives it a pass.

As soon as Renjun turns, he catches sight of Jaehyun who looks just as surprised as him. “Hey,” Jaehyun greets him, nodding at the glass in his hand. “I didn’t think you’d be the type.”

“Well…” Renjun gestures at Donghyuck who’s too occupied ordering his own drink.

“Ahhh…” Jaehyun nods, clicking his tongue. “Figured.”

It isn’t like Jaehyun is upset he’s here. In fact, he looks pretty thrilled to bump into Renjun. Still, Renjun couldn’t help but clear things out with him. He figures he at least owes it to him. “Hyung,” he speaks up. “I’m….”

“Hey, don’t sweat it.” Jaehyun cuts him off, patting him on the shoulder.

“Jaehyun hyung!” Donghyuck hollers with an already half-empty drink in hand. “You look snazzy.” 

Jaehyun laughs and offers his hand for a fistbump, which Donghyuck accepts willingly. Renjun stands there between them, shifting awkwardly as he takes a sip of his drink.

“Renjun!”

As if being saved, he turns around and finds Doyoung motioning for him to come over to their table. He looks over at Donghyuck and Donghyuck mouths at him, ‘ _ Go!’ _ , sending Renjun on his feet towards Doyoung’s table.

As soon as he gets there, someone even stands up to offer him a seat and he feels somewhat flattered. Doyoung turns to the people he’s with, gesturing at him. “This is Renjun, he’s the guy behind Radio Dream before Jaehyun took over.”

“Oh, really? This is him?” One girl in their circle gasps. “Oh my god, I loved your show!”

“You did?” Renjun says in disbelief.

“Yes! There was this one month that I was up every night writing my research paper, then I was just feeling so out of it, so I turned to your show and I  _ loved _ it!”

“I listened to him too,” another person adds to the conversation, a guy this time. “His music taste is awesome.”

“Right? And the way he is with words and how he talks to people?” the girl turns back to him. “You were such a natural!”

“I- oh, wow. Thank you.” Renjun is tongue-tied. He looks at Doyoung who’s grinning at his flustered face but looks equally proud.

After a bunch of formal introductions and fistbumps from the people surrounding the table, everyone starts focusing their attention at him, asking about his major and the technicalities about the radio station.

Some time has passed and Renjun could already feel his face heating up. He looks around to try and keep an eye on Donghyuck but to no avail. He’s probably lost in a sea of people in the middle of the dance floor.

Doyoung stands up, raising a shot glass of soju. “How about a toast to Renjun?” The rest of them don’t hesitate to lift their own glasses and Renjun could feel his cheeks flushing. “To Renjun,” Doyoung starts. “The coolest sophomore out there.” He gives Renjun a grin and Renjun couldn’t help but grin back, clinking his glass with him.

It doesn’t take long for the alcohol to kick in. Renjun already lost count how many shot glasses he’s accepted out of politeness that he doesn’t exactly remember why he’s in the middle of the crowd amidst the rave music.

The mood lights switching from pink to green to blue makes his head spin and he’s too physically weak to stop himself being pushed to the center of the crowd. That is until he feels a hand grip on his arm and pull him out of there.

He allows himself to get dragged, looking up to see Jaehyun. “You wouldn’t survive that, trust me,” he shouts over the music, shaking his head.

Renjun nods the best he can and Jaehyun sits him down on a booth– the same one Doyoung and his friends were in, except this time they're nowhere to be found. Jaehyun slides in to the other side, sitting in front of Renjun as he scrolls through his phone.

“Hyung,” Renjun says, not sure if it’s enough for Jaehyun to hear. When Jaehyun looks up at him curiously, Renjun gulps down. “I’m really sorry.”

This time, instead of cutting him off, Jaehyun lets him say his piece. He shuts his phone and puts it back in his pocket, waiting for him to go on. This might be harder for him sober, but thanks to the alcohol, he finally tells him about Jaemin. As soon as he does, he’s half-expecting Jaehyun to laugh, or worse– call him pathetic, but surprisingly, he doesn’t. 

“So you avoided the radio show because you freaked out over him?”

Renjun nods lightly.

“Because…?” Jaehyun drags on the word, aiding Renjun to finish the sentence for him. When he doesn’t, Jaehyun says it for him. “Because you like him. Right?”

Renjun looks away. He’s not entirely sure what he feels. It’s not like Jaehyun is wrong either because he  _ knows _ he feels something, he’s just not sure what to call it. So exactly why is he running away from this? Is it because he’s convinced Jaemin doesn’t actually like him and he’s just saving his feelings, or is it because he’s just too scared to do anything about it?

As if Jaehyun could hear his thoughts, he simply says, “You can always just tell him.”

Renjun scowls at the thought. “You know I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

Renjun scoffs, shaking his head at his hyung’s obliviousness. “It’s easy for you to say _ , you’re…”  _ Perfect. Popular. Star student. Loved by all. Jung Jaehyun. “... _ You.” _

If anything, Jaehyun seemingly never even experienced being this nervous of rejection because he’s Jung Jaehyun. And no one  _ ever _ refuses Jung Jaehyun.

“What’s that even supposed to mean?” Jaehyun laughs at Renjun’s troubled face then sighs, realizing what he meant. “Look. This whole thing? It’s not about it being easy, it’s about it being  _ not _ , but doing it anyway.”

“And if I end up embarrassing myself?”

Jaehyun shakes his head. “It’s only embarrassing if you’re embarrassed.”

Renjun looks down at his hands, avoiding Jaehyun’s eyes. He can already feel himself sobering up– Jaehyun’s pep talks are a pretty good remedy, to be honest. When he doesn’t respond, Jaehyun goes on:

“I get it, you’re scared. But you know what? The bravest people are.”

Brave? He never really considered himself brave before. Afraid, yes.  _ A lot.  _ But Jaehyun… Jaehyun was right, he supposes. Courage doesn’t mean not being afraid, it means learning to work your way through it. And Renjun wants to work his way through it.

After a moment of thought, he finds himself half-nodding. “Okay." He looks back up at him– Jaehyun looks thrown off for a second but regains composure. A little more surely this time, Renjun repeats himself. "I'll do it."

* * *

It’s probably a mistake that Mark decided to camp out at the library on a Friday night. As soon as they get there, there were barely any seats left, and most students have resorted to makeshift sleeping bags on the floor. It’s heavily crowded and Jaemin would even compare it to an evacuation center, but on the bright side, it’s quiet. Everyone is focused on actually getting some studying done and the only audible sound is the lo-fi radio music being broadcasted through the speakers.

To be honest, Jaemin wouldn’t have accepted Mark’s invite if it weren’t for the cancellation of radio shows. It sounds petty, but if he were to hear JaeD’s voice, knowing it should be DJ Moon’s, he would never be able to get any studying done.

“Oh, no,” Mark mumbles under his breath. Jaemin snaps himself out of his daze, following Mark’s gaze.

It’s Lucas. He’s dressed in a layer of a cargo jacket on top of a sweatshirt, matched with patterned pajamas. Essentially, it looks ridiculous, but it isn’t a look Lucas couldn’t pull off.

“Hey!” he whispers excitedly as he trods along towards them. As soon as he reaches their corner on the floor, he looks around the perimeter until eventually lifting his hoodie up to reveal a bunch of smuggled snacks.

“You know you’d be kicked out if the librarian catches you with these, right?” Jaemin chuckles, yet carefully opening a bag of salted egg potato chips so as not to make any noise.

“I’d be going down with you anyway,” Lucas smiles, teasing.

“Why are you even awake at this hour?” Mark asks, looking at his watch. “It’s a quarter past one.”

“I came to cheer you guys on! Isn’t that what friends do?”

"Wow, and here I thought chivalry was dead," Mark deadpans. Still, he digs a hand inside the pack of open cheese puffs that Lucas is munching on. "This isn't exactly brain food, just so you know."

Lucas just shrugs.

Jaemin opens his mouth to speak when suddenly the music from the speakers gets cut off. The audio feedback that blasts through sends students focusing their attention to it, some covering their ears. When the noise cuts down, they hear someone clearing his throat on air.

_ “H-hey, this is uh…”  _

Jaemin’s eyes grow wide and he automatically turns to Mark whose jaw is dropped open. Lucas, who’s situated in the middle, glances at the two of them back and forth.

“Why?” Lucas asks innocently. “Who’s speaking?”

_ “This is R- This is… DJ Moon. Sorry, I know… I know this isn’t really my timeslot but there’s no one here in the booth anyway, so...” _

Jaemin is frozen, and so is everyone inside the library. The low chattering automatically dies down and everyone is fixated on the voice speaking through the speakers. He hears a few curious whispers going,  _ ‘It’s DJ Moon, right?’  _ not too far away from him.

_ “To those who’ve been listening to Radio Dream since the start of the semester, I… I know I kinda left without a trace and all. And… I guess I never really got the chance to say anything before I took off. Truth is, I was… I don’t know, scared? _

_ “Then… earlier today I realized I've always been telling people that it’s completely okay to take risks, to see things out for themselves. I figured… I figured maybe I should follow my own advice.” _

“The hell is he babbling about?” Lucas mumbles, thoughtlessly getting shushed by Mark. Jaemin listens, not knowing what to expect.

_ “So… um... if you’re listening…” _

Okay, maybe he has an inkling.

"Jaemin." Mark gasps suddenly, tapping him impatiently. "Jaemin!"

Jaemin takes his hand off, mumbling, “Shut up…”

_ “I, uh…"  _ DJ Moon stutters _ . "I really like you, Nana. I have… for a while now. Sorry I chickened out.” _

He feels a sudden dip in his stomach and he doesn’t really know how to react right now, seeing the remainder of the students inside the library audibly gasping and gushing over the anonymous confession. 

“He-” Mark hitches his breath, turning to Jaemin wide-eyed. “He just…”

Jaemin is, once again, lost for words. Funny how this guy is the only one who keeps doing this to him.

“What's... going on?” Lucas asks slowly as the music cuts back on the speakers and the crowd grows louder. The librarian has to hush them as loud as she can from her counter but it barely tones them down. It doesn’t take long for Lucas to slowly start piecing things together either. He looks over at a pale Jaemin and points at him. “Why am I getting the feeling you’re Nana?”

Jaemin opens his mouth to speak, but he doesn’t really know what to say. He’s still too stunned to react because for one, he always thought it was one-sided, at least for him. So the fact that this person feels the same way is enough to send him speechless. It was a confession he’s been meaning to admit and he got beat to it.

"Jaemin,” Mark says again. “Shit, I knew it. I knew it!” He tucks his knees in, tapping his foot restlessly.

"Knew what?" Lucas scratches his head. “Why am I so lost in this?”

Honestly, Jaemin wishes he could help him, but he’s tilting his head at Mark curiously too.

"DJ Moon,” Mark simply states, as if obvious enough. When Jaemin doesn’t react the way Mark wants him to, he goes on. “I think I know who it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos/comments are gladly appreciated٩(ˊᗜˋ*)
> 
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	5. five

Renjun got in a lot of trouble with Ms. Park after that. For (1) having an inexcusable reason to leave the program; and (2) breaking inside the radio booth and disrupting the schedule. On the bright side, it isn’t just him who got apprehended, so did Jaehyun.

Back at the bar, Renjun sobered up with him and took off back to the school, knowing the older one had a key. They snuck past the university guard keeping watch at the comms building, telling him they left some books upstairs. 

Either Jaehyun’s acting skills are great or he’s just a really persuasive guy– Renjun couldn’t tell.

As soon as they got inside, Jaehyun asked him one last time before he cut the playlist off and went live. “Are you sure you’re up for this?”

Renjun took in a deep breath, adjusting the mic to a comfortable level. As soon as he nodded, Jaehyun smiled at him proudly before turning the 'LIVE' switch on.

Renjun had been preparing himself over the earful he would be getting from Ms. Park for disrupting the program like that. He knew he wouldn’t be able to confess to Jaemin in person anyway, so he decided to do it where he’s best at: on air.

The worst case scenario he was expecting to hear from Ms. Park was that Jaehyun would get a deduction on his report card and Renjun would do community service. It wasn’t any grave offense, but Ms. Park has always been a bit theatrical. 

“Do you know how many calls I got in the middle of the night over your stunt? It was enough to wake my mother up in the other room, and she’s deaf.”

Maybe a bit _ too _ theatrical.

“I’m extremely disappointed in the both of you. And here I was thinking you two have been the most efficient volunteers for the campus radio. Especially you, Jaehyun. You’ve been on the organization since last year. Is this what you’re passing down to your apprentice?”

“I’m sorry, Ms. Park,” Jaehyun mumbles halfheartedly. Still, he glances at Renjun standing beside him and pulls back a smile.

It makes Renjun feel fortunate to have him as a mentor.

“I can spend the weekends to render hours on community service, Ms. Park,” Renjun speaks up, in hopes of diverting the attention away from Jaehyun.

Ms. Park tilts his head at him. “Who says anything about community service?”

He blinks. “...Am I getting suspended?”

Renjun tries his best not to sound too worried, but he couldn’t help but imagine how badly getting suspended would reflect on his record, given that the only reason he ever accepted the radio gig in the first place was to do the exact opposite. But surprisingly, Ms. Park lets out a breathy laugh.

“Do you want to?” she asks. Renjun shakes his head quickly. She crosses her arms in front of them, challenging. “Well, I want you two on the 9 PM schedule.”

“W-what?”

“The 9 PM schedule. I want both of you to take the slot.”

Renjun and Jaehyun look at each other dumbfoundedly, minutes ago just bracing themselves to face the consequences but instead… gets moved to the drive time?

Renjun knows the 9 PM slot is the only segment that has a viewable livestream, so for him to host it means people would recognize him. Not that it's a problem anymore because he literally confessed in front of the whole student body about his undying infatuation for Jaemin, but still he's surprised _ why _ he's getting moved to the most prestigious hour.

Ms. Park could tell they were both confused so she presses on.

“Ilhoon is leaving for abroad in two weeks and he's handpicked the two of you to take over. Jaehyun has had firsthand experience at the 9 PM shift, so Renjun, you wouldn’t need that much briefing. The campus radio goes back live after exams this week, so I’m expecting you two to report in that room fifteen minutes before your schedule.”

It takes a while to process but Renjun finds himself nodding along to whatever Ms. Park has to say, silently thanking that his record remains untainted. He always wanted to handle the 9 PM shift, but Ms. Park would never give it to him. So for her to willingly offer it to him this time, Renjun would like to think he’s at least improved in this gig.

“Wait,” Renjun scratches his head. “So we’re not in trouble? You’re not going to punish us?”

“Dude,” Jaehyun laughs. “Stop asking for it.”

  


It’s been a week since the infamous confession and news spreads fast around Shinhwa. Doyoung bumped into him at the hallway earlier that day, "I heard you're quite the showstopper," he beams, messing with the younger one’s hair.

Renjun just offers him a smile.

He hasn’t heard a word from Jaemin since his grand gesture. Hell, he doesn’t even know if Jaemin even heard it or not. Or maybe Jaemin _ did _ hear it but can't reciprocate the feelings, that's okay too. Renjun knew this was a probability. He wanted to take the risk, that's all there was to it. He just needed Jaemin to know, just so that it's out of the way.

Donghyuck, who was too busy getting trashed at the bar that night, still begs Renjun to do it again on air so he could witness it this time. Renjun tells him it's his loss for choosing alcohol over him.

The campus radio returns after exams, which means Renjun is back with a brand new timeslot. He arrives fifteen minutes before their calltime and sees Jaehyun already setting himself inside. The previous host, Ilhoon, is briefing Jaehyun over his old radio script.

As soon as Renjun makes his way inside, he greets his hyungs, offering a timid bow and shuffling nearer. He notices Jaehyun has styled his hair into somewhat of a rugged look, probably showing off his effortless best for the livestream.

“Hey! Renjun, right?”

He nods.

"Pretty bold move last week, huh?" Ilhoon chuckles.

"You could say that."

Renjun has always known Ilhoon as DJ Roongdi from Idol Radio, the most-listened-to show on campus radio. Every student, every professor knows who he is. Hell, even non-Shinhwan students have the campus portal downloaded so they could watch him. It's safe to say he's a local celebrity.

Last year, Jaehyun had been handpicked by him as a substitute for him when Ilhoon got sick. That alone pretty much gave Jaehyun the validation that he's a good radio host. Of course, it doesn't hurt that he has a pretty face.

It has been a topic of conversation among students– who DJ Roongdi's heir would be once he leaves. It couldn't be Jaehyun, being that they were in the same year so students have had their bets on DJ Boo from the 1 AM shift or DJ Chungha from the midnight shift. So for Renjun to apparently be the supposed heir, despite no one having their bets on him (even himself), is enough to surprise him.

“I’ve hosted this show for two years now, so I’m not gonna lie when I say it hurts me to leave it. But I’m sure you’ll do great,” Ilhoon pats him on the shoulder.

“Hyung,” Renjun calls and Ilhoon stops to look at him. “How did you manage to love something you were never compensated for?”

“You mean us radio volunteers not getting paid?” he frowns, thinking. “I think we are getting compensated, though. I mean, not monetarily. I do it because I find it fulfilling, and people interact– they tell me I’m doing a good job and it makes me think, huh, maybe I’m doing something right here." Ilhoon shrugs. "Us volunteers, we don’t do it for the money. We do it because we love it.”

“He’s right,” Jaehyun chimes in, turning to Renjun. “You’re still here with us, right?”

Then it hits Renjun. Maybe he really did learn to love the radio show. He never did at first and just wanted to get things over with until the school finally accredits the campus radio, but now? He doesn't even realize he's finally stopped counting the days down.

And it all started because of Nana.

For the first night, Ilhoon co-hosted with the two, telling his listeners and watchers that starting tomorrow, Idol Radio will officially be hosted by Jaehyun and Renjun. When he first introduced the two, Renjun had an impulsive decision to rename himself as RenD– much to Jaehyun’s surprise.

It’s a big step for him. Although it’s not meant to be anything grand, it’s something that shows that over the course of the semester, he feels like he’s grown. Like a butterfly out of its cocoon. From DJ Moon to RenD.

“JaeD and RenD. Has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?” DJ Roongdi asks.

Jaehyun couldn't help but smile fondly at Renjun.

Idol Radio isn’t that much different from Radio Dream, except that it has live viewing, relied more on pop music rather than soothing sleep music, and focused more on reading forum posts.

A notable lacking feature are phone-ins. Jaehyun explained to Renjun that since Idol Radio has a lot of listeners, it would be pointless for people to call in knowing the probability of someone noticing their voice. So instead, they rely on reading anonymous submissions in the forum.

By Thursday, JaeD and RenD already picked up a good pace on their own, and Ilhoon officially hands the throne down to them.

  


It's finally the last show for the week, and so far their show has been getting a good reception among listeners and viewers alike. The two of them have managed to keep their rhythm in sync, with Renjun being the one to queue in music accordingly and Jaehyun being the one who screens the submissions to be read by Renjun on air.

They found it was essential to screen submissions first because oftentimes students would be sending in dick jokes mid-sentence and it would be impossible to save skin on air.

Jaehyun has been good at dodging the bullet, but Renjun… not so much.

But hosting Idol Radio is fun, Renjun supposes. It's fun having conversations with Jaehyun on air, it's fun hearing from students who aren't just insomniacs. It makes him wonder how it must've been if Jaehyun also hosted Radio Dream with him.

Although, he does try to avoid the idea of Jaemin not interacting with him on this new show. He doesn't necessarily prep himself up for the livestream like Jaehyun does, so he must've sent Jaemin running knowing this is really the best he can do with his looks. Could be.

A minute and a half before a song is about to end, Renjun looks at Jaehyun, asking for the forum submission to be read out. Jaehyun, who's still busy reading it, mouths '_ Wait _,' at him, his brows furrowed seriously as he reads it in his head.

Just as the song is wrapping up its instrumentals, Renjun is already thinking of ways to stall, trying not to panic now that they're about to mess up the minutes with Jaehyun's delay. As he turns the volume of his mic up, Jaehyun finally hands him the paper, not giving him enough time to skim through it beforehand.

"Ah, so we have here another testimonial from one of our listeners," Renjun says chirpily on air, glaring at Jaehyun not too noticeable to be seen on the stream.

Jaehyun grins at him, unapologetic. "Let's hear it."

Renjun adjusts himself on the seat, holding the paper up to reading level.

_ Dear RenD: _

_ Long time listener, first time poster. I wrote to share a story that I suppose you’d know what to do about. For the past few months, I made a friend. Not just any friend, but someone who has seemingly made my days a little more bearable than usual. His words are comforting and they make me feel less alone. It feels like we talk for hours even if just for a short amount of time. _

_ Even if I only know so much of him, I feel like we’d make good friends. But unlike him, I’m not good with words so I never really know how to tell him how I feel. Then, I realize that maybe this is the best way to do it. So here goes. _

Renjun freezes. There's a notable pause and Jaehyun presses his lips together, shifting in his seat as he waits for Renjun to read on. The silence fills up the room for quite some time and Renjun knows he's going to get penalized by Ms. Park if she finds out there's dead air.

Jaehyun clears his throat, leaning into the mic. “RenD, could you tell us who's it for?” 

_ Huang Renjun, I really like you too. For a while now. _

_ \- Nana _

“Me,” he mumbles.

* * *

Jaemin is seated outside the radio booth, cross-legged on the floor as he watches the glowing red light above the door that says _ 'LIVE'. _ He's been readjusting his earphones even before Renjun got to read some messages from the forum, bracing for his letter to be read on broadcast _ and _ during the hour with the most listeners.

When he hears the doors swing open, he looks up and finds him– Renjun. He’s hovering above him, a bag slung over his shoulder and he slightly jumps to see Jaemin waiting outside.

Jaemin takes his earphones off and gets up to stand. Now they're just facing each other wordlessly. It's clear that Renjun is expecting him to be anywhere but here. At the same time, Jaemin doesn't even know if being here ever _ was _a good idea either.

It isn't until the doors open behind Renjun do they both turn to look at Jaehyun. He does a double-take at Jaemin, then offers a subtle nod and smile, patting Renjun on the back as he sets himself off. “See you on Monday!” he calls out, not looking back.

Jaemin and Renjun watch him leave silently, still unspeaking.

"So." Renjun is the first to break the silence. "I take it you're Nana."

"I take it you're DJ Moon, or… RenD."

Renjun glances around the hallway. “You’ve been waiting here outside?" Jaemin nods. "How’d you know we were going to end up reading yours?”

Jaemin shrugs, using Renjun’s words back at him. "You told me to take a risk." With this, Renjun smiles and it urges them both to loosen up. “You knew it was me, didn't you? That night at the clinic?"

Renjun looks down and nods. “I recognized your voice.”

"Is that why you quit the show?"

“I- I don’t know. Yes? It's… You just…” he scratches his head. “You kinda caught me off guard. I didn’t know what you’d think if you found out it was me, so I backpedalled. I’m a coward, I know.”

Jaemin chuckles. “Well, I wouldn’t call you that.”

“I’d say the same,” Renjun mutters, digging into his pocket to reveal a folded paper– the same confession he just read out loud earlier. “I’m guessing you pieced things together.”

He nods. “I wasn’t avoiding you or anything. I really tried to look for you since last week, but it’s either you’re taking an exam or you're outside campus. When I found out you were taking over Idol Radio, I thought of writing. That took a while too. I was… trying to find the words to say.”

He watches Renjun loosely inspecting the sheet of paper, slightly crumpled now, but still tucks it in his back pocket. “I think you nailed it pretty well.” He smiles and so does Jaemin. “So... you think we could be good friends?”

Jaemin tilts his head, pretending to contemplate. “I was hoping for something more than that but we can ease into it.”

This seems to get Renjun because he lets out a breathy laugh– something Jaemin has only ever heard on the phone and he never thought hearing it in person would sound ten times better than what he expected. He doesn’t realize he’s been gazing until Renjun calls his name.

“What? I didn’t catch that," Jaemin says.

“Do you want to go out with me sometime?”

Jaemin couldn’t help but smile. “I’d like that.” He nods.

He'd go out with Renjun for as many times as he'd let him.

Hanging out with Renjun is a lot less scary than Jaemin thought it would be. It doesn't take long for Jaemin to formally introduce him to Lucas and Mark this time, the same goes to him being introduced to Donghyuck.

He especially finds it entertaining how Donghyuck would attempt to embarrass Renjun in front of him, exposing him about Renjun’s giddy habits whenever Jaemin is brought up in conversation. Renjun would always be putting him on a chokehold, begging to save him some face.

_ "Awe, you have a crush on me?" _Jaemin would tease.

Renjun would answer back with. _ "You're saying that as if you don't!" _

Renjun still hosts Idol Radio, but now that Jaehyun has graduated, he's a one-man-show. To keep him company, sometimes Jaemin would walk him to the studio just before starting, side by side as their hands graze each other occasionally. Jaemin doesn't know if it's killing Renjun as much as it is for him when all he wants to do is hold it.

He gets his answer one night, while Jaemin is walking Renjun to the studio again. As soon as their fingertips brush, Jaemin unexpectedly feels Renjun's fingers reaching out to lace his hands with his. Jaemin very much obliges, looking down to witness it as a smile starts spreading over his face.

He looks up to see Renjun's face and Renjun looks away, failing to hide his smile as well. 

As for Jaemin’s insomnia, it isn’t as bad as it was since the start of the semester. Still, there are sleepless days when they end up talking on the phone until 2 AM. This time with only the two of them to hear.

One night, Renjun opens up to Jaemin about his lack of desire in radio hosting at first, until Nana came in the picture. "I really was just waiting to get it over with. All I really wanted was to wait for it to end, then leave. Now… I don't know. I think it's a part of me now."

"So you learned to love it after all," Jaemin says.

Renjun doesn't answer for a while until he eventually says, "Yeah. Yeah, I think I did."

It also helps that Jaemin is actively helping himself deal with his own caffeine problem, with the two of them celebrating small milestones.

**Jaemin [8:45 PM]** ****  
3 days without coffee!  


**Renjun [8:46 PM]** **  
**that’s great!!! i’m proud of you

Jaemin still tunes in to Idol Radio too, of course. Even sending in messages like _ “Nana: RenD’s #1 fan!” _It sends his heart fluttering whenever he catches Renjun’s unguarded smile on the live broadcast.

  


It’s hard for them to catch each other during lunch given their different buildings and schedules, so Jaemin still sticks close to Mark and Lucas. Sometimes Lucas is out for practice too, so that leaves the two of them. 

“Hey, your boyfriend’s pretty cool,” Mark nudges him.

“Oh? Why?”

Now Jaemin and Renjun aren’t anywhere official, but it’s not like he’s going to say no to that either. After all, their grand gestures to each other were enough to convince the entire campus that they like each other.

Even so, hand-holding has become second nature to them already. When Donghyuck first witnessed it, his eyes widened and he let out the loudest gag. Renjun doesn't hesitate to push him off with his free hand, but never letting go of Jaemin's.

“He’s inviting Heart Track for a live interview tonight on his show. Says it could help us with the exposure and stuff since non-students tune in too," Mark says.

“Wow, that’s amazing." Jaemin gasps. “This could be your big break then.”

“Seriously, dude. Thank you.” Mark wiggles his brows at him. “Maybe you should, I don’t know, give him a little present, if you know what I mean.”

Jaemin shakes his head and pushes Mark away. “On second thought–”

“No, no! I’m joking!” Mark laughs, trying to reach out to Jaemin again. “Seriously, thank you!” he says, finally trapping Jaemin on his arms. “This wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t requested Heart Track on the radio to him, so thanks.”

Jaemin doesn’t respond. He’s wrong, though. Jaemin had nothing to do about the growth of his band. Mark deserved everything– from the small but sure success of Heart Track to the school officially accrediting their band. It was just about time the world would give back to him.

He looks back at Mark and pats his hand on his shoulder. “Thanks to you, too.”

Mark drops his hands and looks at him, confused and he only shakes his hand as if to say _ 'Nevermind.' _

Sometimes, Jaemin couldn’t help but wonder if Mark knows just how thankful he is for telling him about that radio show.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u so much for tuning into my first ever renmin fic (*´∀`*)  
i wrote this from point to point for two whole months and is by far the longest fic i've ever written since i have a tendency of abandoning wips so yes this is a very big deal for me T_T
> 
> If you reached up to here, let me know what you think! kudos/comments are greatly appreciated ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)
> 
> [character visuals](https://twitter.com/howoozidan/status/1239184559293337603?s=19) | [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1qh8FUUpIaEtqEZNJlvrgJ?si=vlwZiivVSkSk7DGYw-5KOA) | [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/dochidoii/) | [cc](https://curiouscat.me/dochidoii/)


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